Pregnant, Abandoned Twice, Affairs OW continued

[AnnKay]

The way you test how serious he is, is by putting obstacles in his way to return. WAS that REALLY want to come back will go over an obstacle to do so. LBS that fear putting requirements in place because it might make the WAS not come back are thinking about Ring and piecing all wrong. Too easy a path back will set you up for another future BD.

I agree w/everything SteveLW say above. It's great advice.

This is a good one. Thank you BL and Steve for your inputs on this. It makes perfect sense that obstacles need to be there and I am at a position where it is ok for me if H doesn't come back for real.

In addition, you should give some serious consideration as to if he really is serious whether you actually want to allow him back or not. I'm pro-marriage and believe people should do everything they can to make it work but the fact your H was/is having an affair while you're pregnant with his child is a MAJOR red flag for the future and he would have to do SIGNIFICANT on-going amount of work throughout the rest of your relationship.

I am not sure at the moment whether I want to be back together again. I know it feels comfortable and it is an easier option, but I see this whole experience as a chance to reflect and restart. Looking back, there were fundamental issues I overlooked in the relationship (i.e; lack of communication and transparency, a lot of sweeping issues under the rug, lying and cheating - on his end- ) that shouldn't be a part of a healthy happy relationship. Maybe the reason why this had to happen is so that I could break free from things that have actually held me down from being truly happy.

I think H has to manage his depression first. This may very well include much more than IC.

Agreed.

In this case, the road is still quite long. From previous experience it seems that every time H relapses, the longer it takes for him to recover. I think I just have to get over my potential guilt for not taking him back while he's depressed.