I'm Back after 1st DB (2)

[BL42]

Nah, it's not a hijack. It's comforting to hear others stories.

Agreed.

I'm in IT too

Again, just an anecdotal observation but it seems like a disproportionate number of LBHs here are IT/STEM/analytical thinkers. Maybe I notice more of them more because my own profession, but wonder if there's something to it.

I can easily flex to support the kids.

That's a real benefit. I'm in the same position with the virtual/flexible work and have used it to spend a ton of time with my kids post-separation/D that I wouldn't have been able to in a traditional in-office / rigid schedule job. Take advantage of the time with your kids when they're young! It goes by quickly.

My conundrum is D2. A few guidelines state overnights at different houses isn't good. I've been going back and forth on this, and seems the best is 5 hours blocks and one 8 hour block a week.

Are you suggesting allowing W to have all the overnights for D2? If so, I strongly advise against it. Make sure D2 gets used to sleeping at daddy's too. 50/50, period. (if the laws/courts allow it) Don't settle for less...days and nights.

FWIW, I've explored attachment theory ad nauseam in IC and couples. I understand it that as an avoidant, after separation, we transition into anxious. Something like that. I literally just finished a book WAW dropped on my pillow about attachment. Made me cry, it explained our dynamic so well, and felt sad about my contribution. It's very true, I've exhibited sobtaging behaviours. But it was also nice to see some of those behaviours I don't do anymore.

WAW is anxious, so we triggered each other. Would have been nice to have known this, like 12 years ago! Lol

It's good you've identified issues and can work on addressing them. It'll make you a better man moving forward.

Josh what happened in your first marriage?

Same problem as this one. I started to distance, sex dropped off, found faults in her, kept emotions bottled up... She was secure and wisely ended it after a few years. I blamed her, but looking back with today's eyes, I was finding any excuse to avoid intimacy. At least she didn't play games.

It's good you're able to reflect on your first marriage with perspective, recognize those same patterns, and accept responsibility...now go off and address them!