EO's journal

[eyesopened]

Honeypot,
I think the worksheets and exercises in Hot Monogamy might help open up dialogue. They're not all about sex either, some have to do with learning to communicate better with each other, discovering what says "I love you" to each other, etc. The exercises dealing with sex emphasize intimacy, respect, and communication. Even if my husband doesn't read the book, I may ask him if he'd like to do some of the worksheets and exercises.

Elle,
Thanks for the book suggestion. I've decided to give Michele's approach at least a 6-month try, but she also says to try something different if what you're doing doesn't work. The book you recommended sounds like a good alternative plan.

SuperDave,
I think the KLA tapes or CDs (I keep referring to them as tapes but I actually have the CDs) are really good. I love to read, and I have Michele's books, so I wasn't sure how helpful the CDs could be. I decided to order them because a new KLA group was starting (you can get an idea of some of the concepts on the first couple of CDs by reading the posts on the KLA 2004 forums). What surprised me was that HEARING the concepts, even though I'd read about many of them, seemed to make them stick in my head better. I listen to them repeatedly now to try and keep the changes going. As for Michele's voice, it is American (I lived in England twice as a child because my USAF dad was stationed there so I think I know what you're talking about) but friendly and kind. Michele's appeared on several TV shows here; perhaps you could contact her office to find a link to an audioclip.

Today's update: My husband's due home this evening. He called again last night and we had another pleasant conversation (when he left, we were both irritated with each other).

I'm still reading Hot Monogamy and came across the following:

If you want to create ongoing romance, find out what says "I love you" to your partner and do it. This is not as simple as it sounds. We have a natural tendency to show love the way we want to be loved. We want to believe that my preferences are your preferences, my desires are your desires. This is rarely the case. One person's idea of romance may be hiking together through the Sierra Nevadas; another person's may be sharing a two-hour spending spree at Tiffany's. In order to create romance, these two individuals have to tailor their expressions of love to each other's sensibilities. If the person who likes expensive jewelry gives a pair of diamond cuff links to the partner who lives in jeans and hiking boots, the unspoken message is not "I love you" but, "I wish you were more like me." To be a true romantic, you have to see the world through your partner's eyes.
Patricia Love, Hot Monogamy, pp. 180-181

I realize now that sexual intimacy is what says "I love you" to my husband, that it's far more than a physical itch. For the past few weeks, too, he's been much more affectionate with me with more ILYs, long nonsexual hugs, notes, etc (these are all things I've missed for a very long time).