Pregnant, Abandoned Twice, Affairs OW continued

[BL42]

AK, I think you are very wise to tread lightly here. A lot of WASs, once they feel they are losing the LBS (usually because the LBS accepts the separation and D) will "talk" about Ring, coming back, etc. So the key is for you to figure out what R looks like to you! Have parameters, do not let him waltz right back.

- IC for him.
- Continue IC for you.
- Once he is in IC and things are going in the right direction MC for you both.

I am also a big proponent of a no contact letter to the AP, that you read and approve of before he sends it. And full transparency from him for now. That means you know where he is at all times (there are phone apps that can help with this). His phone is unlocked 24/7 (or you know the passcode). You know the PWs to all of his account, email, social media, etc.

The way you test how serious he is, is by putting obstacles in his way to return. WAS that REALLY want to come back will go over an obstacle to do so. LBS that fear putting requirements in place because it might make the WAS not come back are thinking about Ring and piecing all wrong. Too easy a path back will set you up for another future BD.

I agree w/everything SteveLW say above. It's great advice.

In addition, you should give some serious consideration as to if he really is serious whether you actually want to allow him back or not. I'm pro-marriage and believe people should do everything they can to make it work but the fact your H was/is having an affair while you're pregnant with his child is a MAJOR red flag for the future and he would have to do SIGNIFICANT on-going amount of work throughout the rest of your relationship.

I have acted and went along with life as if he was never coming back and I am pretty comfortable with it.

That's good. You know you'll be alright either way, which is ideal.

I am pretty sure I know what I want in a R, and it was not how my MR was.

Good. You deserve more than a partner who's having an affair while you're pregnant with his baby. That's the bare minimum requirement for a healthy relationship.

I am not even sure if I want my H back anymore.

That's a valid question. You should really ponder it, if H is really serious (which is a big IF).

I will continue IC

Good.

I think H has to manage his depression first. This may very well include much more than IC.

Agreed.

Aside from this, I will continue GALing. I'm not sure whether this is a bad idea, but I'm sure this is what will keep me sane at the moment.

It's a great idea. GAL'ing is about going out, having fun, enjoying life. Why would that be bad?