AK, I think you are very wise to tread lightly here. A lot of WASs, once they feel they are losing the LBS (usually because the LBS accepts the separation and D) will "talk" about Ring, coming back, etc. So the key is for you to figure out what R looks like to you! Have parameters, do not let him waltz right back.
- IC for him. - Continue IC for you. - Once he is in IC and things are going in the right direction MC for you both.
I am also a big proponent of a no contact letter to the AP, that you read and approve of before he sends it. And full transparency from him for now. That means you know where he is at all times (there are phone apps that can help with this). His phone is unlocked 24/7 (or you know the passcode). You know the PWs to all of his account, email, social media, etc.
The way you test how serious he is, is by putting obstacles in his way to return. WAS that REALLY want to come back will go over an obstacle to do so. LBS that fear putting requirements in place because it might make the WAS not come back are thinking about Ring and piecing all wrong. Too easy a path back will set you up for another future BD.
Thanks Steve for this. I think I am not in this mindset yet. I have acted and went along with life as if he was never coming back and I am pretty comfortable with it. I am pretty sure I know what I want in a R, and it was not how my MR was. I am not even sure if I want my H back anymore. I will continue IC, and I think H has to manage his depression first. This may very well include much more than IC. Aside from this, I will continue GALing. I'm not sure whether this is a bad idea, but I'm sure this is what will keep me sane at the moment.
