I'm Back after 1st DB (2)

[SteveLW]

Josh, detachment is a journey. If it were easy just to decide to be detached and detach then there would be a lot higher R rate. The fact is that most of struggle with detachment. For me, once I saw the positive effect detachment, even in the fake until you make state, had I got way better at it. I remember vividly the day she started working on her resume. Her plan was to get a job, get an apartment, and get a D. So on a Saturday she went in to the home office and started working on her resume. She came out at one point and asked if it was okay for her to buy some books on resume writing, interviewing, and just job searching in general. I told her in a very flat, unemotional tone, "get whatever you think will help".

That evening she came back out in tears, saying she felt like she was doing the wrong thing, that God hated divorce, etc. I just listened, very evenly and validated. It was very eye-opening to the power of emotional detachment. My lack of emotion, both positive and negatively, had a tremendous impact on her. She expected me to refuse her buying the books. She expected me to commiserate with her on the hedging over the divorce. When I did nothing and was a rock, it continued to have an effect on her.

But it isn't easy and anyone that claims that it is hasn't attempted it!