I came back to the boards precisely for the honesty. You can tell by the posts it's an emotional roller-coaster. The fact I have trouble detaching fron STBXW emotions is obvious. It's a hope for a change that she has never demonstrated possible, and IC reminded me of all the effort I made for it to work, and to not beat myself up. It's natural to not want emotional closeness and intimacy with someone who is emotionally explosive and manipulative. I appreciated ICs insight that in two weeks, I've gained more power, control, agency than 10 years of marriage.
LH19, you are correct. I can't effectively act like I can't wait. I've been openly supportive with W, I've never blocked and worked with her to prepare the house for sale. But not obviously enthusiastic. Yeah, I tried selling myself on the idea. That's the best I can do, and I faked it. I don't know how more enthusiastic I can be in the process, I can't speed up the process. However today, I saw how disrespectful STBXW was to S today when he acted out, and my attempts to parent in a more sympathetic way were intereferes with. It reminds me how she has never and can never respect my differences.
Can you clarify what you mean by weaker postion and pretzel self? Is that a suggestion that the longer it drags, I'll not be able to have clear separation in the future, that I'll still be in the same dynamic, just living apart? Or you mean emotionally twisted and harder to detach?
Mumin, I'm not sure I can have 50/50 time given the age of D2 and my work schedule. I'd have to see if I could get some flex hours, otherwise, they'll come home from school to an empty apartment.
