Be wary of accepting less than 50/50 custody. Custody can be challenging. In my experience, those who don't prioritize 50/50 custody short-term don't prioritize it long-term.
"Dropping by" is not sustainable. Phone calls or video calls are. My S2 wasn't up for conversations at that age, but he loved when I sang the alphabet or planet song to him!
I agree, and how I see it, is when we move out, but haven't established permanent homes, there won't be space for a proper arrangement. I said as such, that when the time comes, it's a strict handover. I should elaborate, "dropping by" would be agreeing on mornings/evenings when I participate in D2 routines, S1/D1 would have dedicated times away with me, and POSSIBLY, one family dinner a week at hers. I stated clearly to her that if it's my time, she can't ring and expect we can meet up for something like going to the beach with family.
Originally Posted by Traveler
Originally Posted by Josh_T
I told her no emotional conversations, no longer appropriate.
Just be sure you're not being controlling by telling her what to do or what's appropriate for her to do.
If you don't wish to engage in a particular conversation, it's fine not to.
I just told her exactly in the words I said. I didn't think it was controlling, but if I could have handled it better, I mean I guess I could said something when she's in an emotional state and state I don't want to engage in this conversation.
Originally Posted by LH19
Josh it’s been clear since day one that you are extremely co-dependent. Are you an IC trying to fix it? IHS is very difficult and my concern is that you can’t control your emotions and will make matters worse.
I am for sure attending IC. Except for a year break last year, it's been pretty regular. The focus recently to explore if there was childhood trauma (no), and to look at self-esteem. The switch now is to be co-dependency, the impact of BD, and my contribution to it. Co-dependency did come up in the last couples counselling before BD, and it was an eye opener.
Originally Posted by LH19
I can 100% promise you that she has zero doubts right now and on the miracle she stayed out of fear she would make your life absolutely miserable.
How can you be so sure? This is a W who is impulsive and regularly changes her mind. She has certainly got recent courage thanks to her IC. She's delaying telling parents and is making a lot of comments about when later to tell the kids. She has stopped her emotional focus on house cleaning and I can see she's ruminating on the impact to D1.
