Did I forget the "I love you, but not in love with you?" speech?
That’s her saying I don’t respect you. She loves you like she loves a helpless child but not as a romantic partner. She doesn’t view you as a high quality man and doesn’t trust you.
Very common in these situations. Your goal is to make sure you never hear those words again in your next relationship.
Did I forget the "I love you, but not in love with you?" speech?
That’s her saying I don’t respect you. She loves you like she loves a helpless child but not as a romantic partner. She doesn’t view you as a high quality man and doesn’t trust you.
Very common in these situations. Your goal is to make sure you never hear those words again in your next relationship.
Yeah, and she is right. I've thought it over, and for at least the last year we both never really acted in love back.
I'll be stopping the emotional dumps today, and let her know it's no longer appropriate.
We did have a chat on what happens after the house sells. I'll be moving close, to her and her parents, there could be one common dinner a week, and I'd love to pop in mornings to play with D2, or evenings to give a bath. But I made it clear, my days are my days.
Right now my world is upside down and I have to declutter the house in preparation for a quick sale. Not happy about the timing, but she has a point that the longer we wait, the less $ we will get.
I realize she's going to continue to blur boundaries of XW and W until a new R. It's going to be hard for me because I really get along with her father in law, but I need to accept that relationship is over too.
I'm also started reaching out to the few friends I haven't seen in a while, as part of GAL. I also realise I've spent too long with W friends and never spent enough time with mine.
Josh and can’t stress enough for you to stop agreeing to these outrageous requests to try and please her. (Which is impossible BTW). Divorce means divorce. Separate households separate everything. You want to do birthday parties and Christmas together fine that works for some people. It all doesn’t have to be figured out today.
Thanks, the issue is short term, I agree long term. I will miss out on a lot of time with D2, so where I was heading was that until we have permanent places. Meaning 6 months or so. At that point, when we have our own places, it's strict.
But I see where you are going with this, and again, maybe that needs to be put forward now, so W understands the boundaries of a new life. I'm willing to do this at the expense of my recovery time so I can see my D2. It will be a very long time before I'm in any position for a new R. I dunno, is that a problem?
Interestingly, it's in the middle of the night, and I was looking at the planets when W joined me. I told her no emotional conversations, no longer appropriate. She was about to cry, but held back and said it doesn't feel right to suddenly disrupt the kdis, lets wait 6 months. And not tell the kids until later.
This is a change, because being so money focuaed, it will give up maybe 10% value. I'm happy with this, because I have enough work s**t going on, and now I have to prepare for a house sale? I'm not going to speculate on her emotional state. But it certainly works for me.
I wouldn’t worry about it right now. You do way too much talking. Time to start holding your cards to your vest. I wouldn’t wait if it meant sacrificing money but that’s up to you. It’s interesting that one minute you’re trying to move out and the next minute you are staying longer. This is what I mean when I say she doesn’t trust you. You are too indecisive. Women hate that in a man. I lived with my exw for almost a year and a half after she filed so it’s doable but not a barrel of laughs. It’s very awkward for both of you.
You are right about the trust. She is anxious, and very sensitive to those sort of things. Sometimes rightly so, other times not. Moving out was a knee jerk reaction. But the staying longer was her idea, and I agreed. I need to focus more on consistency there. I see what you mean, even though she's happy with the outcome, she still doesn't trust me because I accepted the change.
ATM, it's not that awkward together, we've talking and co-habitating fine. Selfishly, as I said, I got more D2 time, and know that when the time comes, it will be a slower pace. It also gives me some room to GAL without being distracted by move logistics.
Josh, ur geting really good advice hear. Listen to it!
Get a Lawyer!!
Also, it’s ok to say I don’t know. “I don’t know, I need to think that through and right now I’m busy.” Or even: “This is all new, I want to see D2 everyday but I’m not sure I will feel comfortable coming to your place.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Ok, saw some more replies. Just so I understand josh, long-term do you want 50% custody?
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
You are right about the trust. She is anxious, and very sensitive to those sort of things. Sometimes rightly so, other times not. Moving out was a knee jerk reaction. But the staying longer was her idea, and I agreed. I need to focus more on consistency there. I see what you mean, even though she's happy with the outcome, she still doesn't trust me because I accepted the change.
ATM, it's not that awkward together, we've talking and co-habitating fine. Selfishly, as I said, I got more D2 time, and know that when the time comes, it will be a slower pace. It also gives me some room to GAL without being distracted by move logistics.
