EO's journal

[eyesopened]

Thanks, everybody, for the comments and advice.

Nothing happened last night (didn't even sleep naked with him) because it's "that time of the month" and he was morphing back and forth between his "good guy" and "passive aggressive alien" personalities, and he came to bed after I did.

He's going out of town today (and I'm irritated about it since he could have turned down this troubleshooting trip--he's an engineer and project manager, and this isn't one of his projects) and will be gone until Friday.

Considering his mood, it's unlikely that I'll hear from him until he returns home (I can also reach him on his cellphone if needed, but experience has taught me that it's best to leave him alone when he's in a pissy mood, which is why I won't call). Hopefully, if I keep following the KLA tapes (which are great), there will come a point that I can call him or make the first move by "acting as if" everything's fine between us so we don't get into one of those endless loop type of arguments that accomplish nothing. Unfortunately, I'm not at that point yet, and I don't feel confident of my control over my feelings and emotions to the point that I won't get a pissy tone in my voice.

SD-- I've been following your situation and am rooting for you and your wife. I feel much closer to my husband when we're physically affectionate with each other, especially after ML. There's just something about "touch". I'm also reading Pat Love's book, Hot Monogamy, which is recommended by Michele. I'll post a review of it when finished since it's essentially a self-help book with exercises.

Honeypot-- I agree, and Chocolateeyes' post is proof that changes like this don't always last. That's one of the reasons I started this journal because I wouldn't want to talk about this with people who actually know us, but I need all of you to help me stay the course when things get discouraging. It's also easier for me to focus on the negatives in the marriage and overlook the positives, and there have been a lot of positive developments over the past few weeks. A real hot-button issue in our marriage is our home. We have not lived in a finished, fully functioning house for 16 years (talking about 3 different houses here) because of my husband's penchant for remodeling (think of shows like House Rules and other shows where they're doing MAJOR remodeling and now think about trying to live in those houses and raise a family while the person doing most of the remodeling is also dog-tired from working 60 hours a week at a job and is often gone away from home; and it doesn't do any good to hire contractors because he rips out their work and redoes it--did I mention he's an engineer?). It's probably going come down to a choice between my marriage or a nice, finished house. If there was book, The "Home as a Haven"-starved Marriage, I'd be the HD spouse with one of those LD spouses who just doesn't seem to "get it".

MPT-- I do a lot of my procrastinating here, too.
What you said about the passive aggressive behavior is something I worry about. But, in our case, there's at least a possibility that better and more frequent sex may spill over into other areas in the marriage (if not, hopefully he'll realize what he's risking losing). According to the info in Willard Harley's book, His Needs, Her Needs, and my husband's statements, sex is his number one emotional need, and he's definitely a HD guy. Before we moved in together (we lived apart during the week even after marriage because our jobs were 100 miles apart), sex was great. We didn't move in together until I was almost 6 months pregnant with our first child, and ML has been sporadic ever since. Michele says to try something different in resolving marital problems, and this ML often and whenever, however, and wherever he wants is something different for us as a married couple.

Chocolateeyes: I'm sorry to hear that. Any chance that your wife would be willing to use a board like this where she can remain anonymous to help?
Thanks for the advice, too. I'm not very good at picking up nonverbal cues from my husband, so this is something to monitor. Also, neither my husband nor I came from families where the parents were physically affectionate with each other. My husband said he NEVER saw his parents touch each other affectionately. I recall my father hugging my mother sometimes but she didn't hug him back, and my parents sleep in separate bedrooms.

Like I said, my husband's gone for the week (and he probably won't call), so I have lots of time for reading and re-reading Pat Loves' books and Michele's books.