Was his reconciliation a half-hearted attempt at piecing, or was it more of a "I'm happier now...bye!" ?
We reconciled and had several very good years during which he was very attentive. I did an awful lot of "pick me dancing" and twisting into a pretzel though to make that happen. I also thought I was doing the right thing for my kids although they have since told me they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And drop it did as he approached 50 and another midlife crisis.
Once he filed I completely let go. I had peace in my heart that I had done my very best to save my marriage, that I had been a darn good wife, and that even if he came back at that point, there was no way I would ever be able to trust him again. (3 strikes and you're out kind of thing).
I might have been able to be more friendly with him now (thankfully his second wife was NOT one of his affair partners) but for the way he's treated our kids since the divorce. It's clear to me now that he's a narcissist and none of us have value to him unless we are making him look good and doing what HE's interested in doing. I'm forever grateful my youngest was a senior in high school when he left so there were never any custody issues and I've been able to keep communication to a BARE MINIMUM.
(And just for reference, I am still friends with almost every guy I ever dated, EXCEPT him - because I would never be friends with such a lying, selfish narcissistic cheater. )
Wow. I've never had to deal with a narcissist, but from what I've read about them, just....wow. I am SO sorry that you found yourself in that situation.
I've only had to deal with one of the other categories of "unredeemables" - the sociopath.
Was stuck in campus housing with this guy as a roommate for a year. Just thinking about him gives me PTSD. His behavior was so unpredictable, that I literally feared for my wellbeing the whole year.
About the only benefit of the experience is that I can spot them MUCH sooner, and I now have a gameplan for dealing with them.
DON'T.
Just get away, ASAP.
Far, far away......
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
