A little bit about me - I almost always speak elaborately when talking to anyone on just about anything. I use lot of words and long sentences. I have the ability to think deeply on pretty much anything and do that very fast - it could be a matter of technology or a human situation. I have pretty low EQ. I am analytical on everything, a realist and problem-solving oriented (the last one has led to R conflicts that made no sense to me). These are deep character traits, which often leads to overthinking.
Peter - have you ever considered that you might be on the spectrum? Not saying that this excuses your wife's affair, it definitely doesn't - but it can lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings in a marriage, especially if it's not known.
You might consider seeing a therapist just for you, to figure this out. Even if you don't end up saving your marriage, knowledge could help you in future relationships.
You mention that your son has special needs, and that you work with him a lot. Pardon me if I've missed this information in your last thread, but does W work outside the home? I think you referenced having a home office, so do you work from home? Is that allowing you to be the primary parent with your son?
If she works outside the home and you get more time with son - well, it is a sad and sexist thing but I have often seen here that working wives don't respect their stay at home dad spouses. On some level, they want to be home with their child while their husband is off bringing home the money. I'm not saying it's fair, or right, and it's definitely sexist. But even when the woman chooses her career, resentment can build.
If you divorce, what do you need in order to be able to continue putting in the time with your son's treatment? Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job. (Bear in mind, also, that having a child with a serious illness is a HUGE risk factor for a divorce. Some partners just can't handle the pain, or want to escape the difficulties of daily life with a handicapped child, or handle the grief differently than their partners. You likely are the "I'm gonna dive in and fix this" type, and she may have wanted more acknowledgement of her sadness or pain over your child's condition. Or she may just want to spend time with affair partner where she doesn't think about the pain associated with your child's condition. )
