Nevanna I am a recent DB person. I like your long posts and have read most of them. I admire your willingness to work on issues (how you see problems)and behaviors (what the other person in the relationship sees). I am happy for the both of you.
I do not see why the XRM is in the picture. My daughter had crazy man as a boyfriend for over a year. Sh** always happened with him in the picture. My daughter wanted to be friends with the wacko when they broke up. It did not work! The daughter only got her sanity when she cut off ALL TIES with wacko. BTW, wacko shot his dog because he had to move when daughter and wacko broke up because his new landloard did not allow dogs. Five years later, daughter tells her mom how thankfull she is that she cut off wacko completely.
If XRM was a decent person, she would see how she is damaging your relationship with you and H. H should see it too.
I am the family fixer and sometimes do things that prolong the agony. So I know that I am not perfect. But it's just so plain to me when I read about H's contact (even taking calls) with the XRM I had to put in my 2 cents. I believe you and H will be so much better without XRM in the picture.
If H wants to keep his word about changing XRM's oil, think, what did she do before your H was in the picture. She got by then and she will be able to in the future. I listen to Dr. Laura on the radio. Her opinion is the spouse deserves all of the attention and the XRM issue just makes things worse.
This post is only my opinion based on my experiences. Your experiences might be different. I like your PMA. Best wishes to both of you.
