L.O.S (Loss Of Signal)

[bttrfly]

I have a theory that, since they are so flailing and “out to sea” with very few concrete ideas of their own, that a lot of the harebrained ideas that they get are usually picked up from the people they associate with.

This is absolutely true of my exh. He associated with a vile human being who was, at best, smarmy, and at worst - well, let's say that absolutely NO ONE likes him - not even 2.0 (OW/new spouse).

This guy said some of the most disgusting things one day in my and our 12 year old's presence ... exh said NOTHING. I told the guy that he is free to speak however he wants in front of his kids, but in MY house and in front of MY kid, we do not refer to people in that way. Guy tried to challenge me. Wrong move. He's a henpecked coward, so he backed down quickly in front of me and bashed me even more behind my back (and in front of my son). My son finally had to tell him to stop talking about me as it upset him. Yet over the course of 7 years my exh went from thinking this guy was over the top to parroting his BS. My exh went from hanging out with really nice people to losing all his friends except for the guy I mentioned above. I have no idea who his friends are now, and I've heard enough from my son to know exh has become mini-vile guy.

Another point, though, which I think is worth considering, is that they create this entire universe out of whole cloth and, at least in my case, there were many things attributed to me that were absolute crap. When he was/is faced with the reality, he became/becomes INFURIATED that his version of truth ain't holding up.

Also, relationships are mirrors. The WAS/MLCr is viewing their spouse through the lens of their own MLC behavior. Case in point (and I was just telling a friend this last night), about 1-2 years before BD exh and I were eating lunch at our breakfast bar. My purse was on the counter next to me. As exh munched away on his sandwich I could tell he was getting really, REALLY angry about something but he wouldn't admit it - not even when he was red in the face, he was so enraged. Finally he spat out - "Is that real? How much did that cost!?" It took me a full minute to realize what he was referring to... my fake Prada. I started to laugh and said, "you thought this was real? I bought it for $5 at the consignment store! Pretty good score, huh?" He DIDN"T BELIEVE ME!!!! I asked him if he realized who he was married to, completely practical, ripped jeans and sweat shirts me, who prefers sneakers and gardening to high heels and designer crap. He was slightly mollified, but I could tell he didn't really believe me. I shrugged it off at the time, but now I realize that he was judging me by his own standards - he needed new shirts so he went to Nordstrom and worked with a personal shopper. I shopped at consignment stores and TJ Maxx. You will never convince him that I wasn't blowing his money on fancy crap, because that's what he was doing himself, but couldn't own it.

So, there's a lot to unpack in the raving minds of these lunatics.