I'm Back after 1st DB

[BL42]

Josh_T,

FWIW, I don't live in the US, by default it's joint custody, and any attempt to change that requires justification and approval from the Family Court.

In my country, it mean there will be no sign, no listing, no advertising campaign.

Do you feel comfortable sharing where you are from?

I DO see me being the first one to ask for a "baby sitter".

Good, get it. I refer to it as "right of first refusal". I used a good bit of lawyer/negotiation capital to get it because most important to me - more than any financial consideration - was time with my kids. It gave me the comfort to know they couldn't just be dropped off with someone else instead of their father.

Josh, I'd sit on that e-mail for a day or two if you can! 1. Negotiations and finances are best left for when you're feeling calm and have consulted an attorney, 2. It sounds important to you to inform what she "needs" to do and that she can't, "Have her cake and eat it too." Why? Her attorney will advise her of all her rights and best moves soon. Are you trying to scare her back or to settle?

I agree w/Traveler. Don't respond to the email, or at the very least consult the L before you do.

Again, she hasn't thought this through because she plans to move 20 KMs away from her parents, her babysitter options are going to be restricted.

and she's already showing anxiety about it through attempting to talk about it

I genuinely think her ego does not allow her to face her shortcomings.

What I'm saying is that she needs to understand the reality, and not her distorted view that I'm there to fund her lifestyle.

Josh_T - I'll be honest. I'm seeing a whole lot of you analyzing your W, mind reading what she thinks and what she feels and what she needs to realize. And I've only pulled a few examples above. It comes across as a bit bitter (understandable considering the impending D) and a bit controlling. Try to take your focus off of what you think she should think and feel and do and onto what's best for you to address your shortcomings and make yourself a better man and improve your own path in life.

I'm not sure if it's a negotiation as of yet. It doesn't feel like it. It seems more like testing the waters because if it is, she is approaching it half heartedly. I promised to reply to an email in a couple of days. I will, but I guess without a promise to any financials. I was thinking of acknowledging that "Oh ya, there isn't enough money to live on each month, but I'm sure there will be plenty of savings after settlement to keep you going until you are ready for a job."

Don't say that. It comes across as a logical argument against D and trying to control and manipulate what she's planning (the D). Don't address taking care of her in a condescending way. I might not respond at all, but if you do consult the L first.

She for sure as no L.

...yet

I only am approaching one to know where I stand. Just for advice. Nothing else yet.

Good. You should consult a L for advice. Know your rights and where you stand. Do not tell her.