No big insight here but I think H is having a hard time cutting it off with xrm. EA, for sure.
Quote: It was like I was mourning the loss of the dream we had had together, mourning the loss of our perfect little relationship. We had always thought we had the best relationship...that very few could compare to ours. And then there were two seperations, a PA, an EA, and lots and lots of hateful words...getting thrown out of my own home...the complete humiliation of it all...
I know fully well what this mourning feels like. I think I'm going through that today myself.
Quote: When I got up this morning, my head was swimming with ideas to help H with his self-esteem/self-worth/boundary issues. I could teach him the 180 or how to act "as if."
Then it occurred to me. This is more of the same for me. I have always wanted to "help" him--which means I tell him "you need to do this so that you get this result." Never works. I know this, I just forgot it. What does work is letting him own his own problems.
Aahh. We are oh too similar, Nevanna. I've always tried to fix things, trying to help him with everything, not giving thought to how that would make him feel. I'm sure he was appreciative, but I guess, after awhile, he got to feeling, "Gosh, I can't do anything myself." I don't think he came to this conclusion on his own. Of course, this is just my speculation. I seriously think someone at work mentioned to him that he relies too much on me for work / career type things. Again, my ASSumption, but I wouldn't be surprised, based on other things he's said. I do want him to feel fully capable, though, so it is hard for me to sit back when all I want to do is help, give my advice and feedback, etc.
Quote: H backed away from me when I started being more critical. When he felt like I was less accepting of him. And he sought out the first person who he thought paid attention to him (even though these weren't the nicest people.)
Once again, similarities. I have worked on addressing my critical side, and I think H has seen some of my changes and doesn't know what to make of them. He did mention once that he talked to OW b/c she listened to him, she really listened. (I'm convinced she had other motives, but oh well.) So I need to remember to keep this up; that will be a true test of my changes.
I want to say thank you for all your advice and support on my sitch. I really appreciate it.
NSN My current thread LUVR ... Listen, Understand, Validate, and Respond
