L.O.S (Loss Of Signal)

[Jimbo]

Hi AndrewP,

Sorry for responding so late- I wasn't expecting anybody to comment on my riff!

Do they turn around and try to come back? I'm certainly not expecting that in my own case even though I left that door open for far longer than perhaps I should have. There wasn't the acrimony in my situation that there is in many. What anger I felt wasn't spent on blasting her and her anger just rolled off my back.

I think the trick is the fine balance between what you mention of suspending any expectation of return and leaving the door open. And I have to admit that it is much easier to manage your own emotions when you are able to be cognizant that any anger directed towards you is not because of you, and that you just happen to be the most convenient “whipping boy” at the time. My XW also had no acrimony towards me, or at least any that she demonstrated in my presence. Curious to know- what are your parameters for having “left that door open for far longer than perhaps I should have” ? Were you putting your life on hold in some department(s)?

As far as I can know, my xW has settled into her new life and I'm just someone she used to know. At the time I felt that she was following the MLC playbook right down to getting the obligatory tattoo. Your own case may be different - I can't judge that - and your ex may indeed turn around. I'm glad to see though that you are out there living your life and not putting it on hold for something that may never happen and that perhaps even if the chance of it comes up, you and she may have evolved into people that aren't compatible.

If you don't mind me saying, you're selling yourself short. She may have settled into her new life, but I'll guarantee you that in those moments when she allows herself to reflect on her current situation, she's comparing it all to when ol' AndrewP was in her life. You may not see it, but count on it: you are renting space in her head, and she's paying the rent for you to be there.

Yup, mine followed the playbook like a script. It’s funny that you mention the bit about the obligatory MLC tattoo. I had a dream many years ago that my ex did this. I do tend to have occasional psychic episodes, (PSYCHIC, not psychotic, you joker! ) and I’m very curious to know if she went down that road. When we were together, she was so introverted and demure that it would truly be a surprise to me if she did get one. If she did, I would also be very surprised, if/when she came back to her right mind, that it wouldn’t be one of the things that she would have regretted doing. I have a theory that, since they are so flailing and “out to sea” with very few concrete ideas of their own, that a lot of the harebrained ideas that they get are usually picked up from the people they associate with.

Whether we’ll be compatible when it’s all said and done is a bridge to be crossed if we come to it. My attitude towards it is to approach it like she’s the “invisible twin sister” who was always around, but never seen- she’s a lot like her twin that I had a relationship with where we all went out and did the same things together, and has the same memories of all those past events, but she’s not the same as that person. Different likes, different interactions with others, different influences, etc. Too different? That remains to be seen.

One thing that Jack told me that still sticks to this day was to disregard the odds. Even a 1 in a 1000 chance has a 1 in it.

C-3PO: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!
Han Solo: Never tell me the odds!

— Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back


(Also see my signature block. )