I'm Back after 1st DB

[Ready2Change]

Do not - do NOT - agree to anything financial right now ...I agree with asking her to put in writing whatever it is she is thinking. But don't respond to it

With 3 kids, there will be child support, custody issues, and if you're in a community property state, splitting of assets accumulated during the marriage. If there is a big disparity in your incomes there might also be alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage. It will be complicated and you definitely want your lawyer's input.

The moment I realized I could no longer trust my then wife, I set a boundary (Before I even heard the term) that our primary communication would be through email. One of the best things I did.

Draft up an email:
"W, I believe it is best that we limit our communication about our divorce to email. That will give each of us time to draw up our thoughts and...bla bla bla"

Then you reduce it down:
"W, I believe it is best that we communicate by email to help move through this process as smoothly as possible."

You can post it here for feedback if you would like, then wait until the next day, read it again and edit if needed and send it.

1) Joint custody of the kids. 50/50 equal and frequent contact with both parents.
2) Child support. There are formulas. Look yours up for your state.
3) Splitting Property- I did this room by room. I started in MY OFFICE. I asked her if there was anything in there she wanted. Big ticket items got a value. Cars and house and IRA's ect. There is a balance sheet. Not all money is the same....consult a financial expert. Tax issues as well.

Keep all three of those as separate issues. Get #1 in place first.


Every time I sent an email, I would text W "Sent you an email". She would do the same.

I had a highly contested custody battle with my X and had 50/50 custody for the 14 years.

Until you have some type of 50/50 parenting agreement, Immerse yourself into your kids bubble, stay out of W's bubble. She can come and go into your bubble while you are with the kids.

Always a work in progress.