I'm Back after 1st DB

[BL42]

Her attempt at determining child support is making up figures on a napkin. I asked her for details, and she emails me a pdf photo if it. I have already crunched the numbers, so I know where I stand.

Good. Knowledge = power. Don't make any agreement which isn't either fair or favoring you under the law.

I don't want to sell the house. I'm going to try to appeal to her greed, because we always talked about knocking down our house to build a duplex which would increase the value substantially. But the problem is that it will take about three years. Post BD this is compelling because it means having family close, but if it gets too weird, I just sell and move on.

I'm confused. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but are you considering converting your house into a duplex so your STBXW can live on the other side. If so, is that a hope to keep her close so she can see your DB'ing and want to come back? DO NOT do that. That will not help your detachment. What happens if/when she brings another guy back and you see him leave in the AM (or hear him through the walls). If I misunderstood your intentions, my mistake...disregard.

And part of me is foaming at the idea I'll get a few days a week with no children, a new apartment, shitloads of cash, and the ability for Dad to have fun nights out.

You're looking forward to not seeing your kids? That's certainly opposite of the norm here.

For sure I'm not going with her to her parents to tell the news. I'm going to have plans. And the reason I want to do this is that she will feel much more awkward when I'm not there. I know she feels anxious at the idea her dad will be disappointed. If I'm there it validates, and puts me into an awkward choice to align or to speak up. if I'm not there, her Dad will probably be more probing.

Good you're not going an will have plans, but not good on the reasoning...it should be about you detaching and living your life, not you trying to make her feel awkward.

This is a very immature woman who has lost the tingles for you so now she is going to blow up the entire family to satisfy her needs.

Aren't they all?

The thing is, I know deep down I'll be able to be a better father without her around.

100% without a doubt

And she is even anticipating some of the children will hate her.

This is how nuts she is that she thinks her kids will hate her yet she doesn't care.

And I can already imagine the future where XW still trys to control during handover.

Nope. Your house your rules. Make that a boundary and validate the $hit out of it.

^I completely agree with all of this