Steve, first DB you saved me. I remember asking for advise and the incredulous look on her face when I followed yet another of your suggestions. I always looked forward to your pov. What I like is you always have ideas that enforce in a very provocative way, I get satisfaction, yet WW knows she's in the wrong. My W is extremely anxious, and in retrospect, needed more validation by me given her insecurity.
No, I don't want to be involved in selling the house. But it's going off market, which means it doesn't take much effort (surprise). Without a campaign, it's hard to say how long it will take to get a serious offer.
Josh, that is awesome. Like you are now, I was a two time BD victim in my MR. My perspective in after BD #2 was much better than BD #1. Though at times I still spun and did non-DB things. No one is perfect at this, and very very few are really good at it!
The point with my question was that you should no longer be concerned about what she expects. You need to do what you want and feel is right, regardless of her! So if you want to be involved be involved. If you want to keep the house yourself, keep it. If you want it to be sold but prefer she handle it all, let her. You've said your W is lazy. Let's see how far she will go with this stuff by herself! Likely she wants you involved to do the heavy lifting. She has to learn that she has fired you as her H and therefore you doing the heavy lifting for her is OVER.
I don't blame you at all if you want to sell the house. I told you above what my W's plan was. For me to keep the house and for her to get to play house when not out galivanting with OM. I finally told her that we would be selling the house and splitting the equity 50/50. When she started to protest I simply told her: "It isn't fair for you to go off and start a new life and expect me not to do the same."
I said it because it was true, not to try to get a reaction from her, but the reaction from her was very interesting. She looked like I had just popped at least part of her post-D fantasy bubble. But regardless, it let her know that I was not sticking around as Plan B in case she hated her new life.
So you do what you want! And do not do what you don't. This is her deal, let her figure it all out!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
