H was here when I got home, and we discussed him meeting xrm for a bite to eat.
He didn't want to go. She actually called three times in a row, until he stepped out to take the call. She told him the other day that she missed him...and not in the "we're friends" sort of way. When I went outside with him, he actually commented he felt like he had to hide his car when he came here, and that that was kind of sad. I didn't mean to, but I griped that it was ridiculous that she object to him spending time at his wife's apartment--then I apologized for being snappish. He said it was okay, he understood my anger.
He is going to meet her (public place) to see if he can gauge her attitude, to see if she is at all violent. H said he is going to tell her that he needs to spend every day with me to study for his class, and then see what she says or what her body language shows. To get an idea of how to proceed from there.
Keep in mind, this was never a physical relationship of any sort--so no PA. In fact, she had a bf throughout most of the time they were living together. The only reason it was her to move in, was because the male friend H had originally made arrangements with backed out at the last second, and he needed someone immediately.
H was wondering if anyone here had any insightful experience, or advice on how to handle the situation. We narrowed it down to three ways of handling it...
1. She has feelings for him beyond friendship, and her blowups and odd behavior last week were a result of her not being able to deal with the situation at the moment. That she is not violent nor will stalk, and just got out of hand talking to him at the time without realizing how her actions were perceived. (I know both H and I have been upset to that point, so it is possible to come across as a potentional stalker unintentionally.)
In this case, we discussed it might be possible for them still to be friends--if he stays away from her for several months, to allow possible romantic feelings to die. But it would have to been on his terms. (This is the least likely to be played out, but we did talk about it--H values his friends very much, so I know he would like to maintain a friendship if it were possible.)
2. Ex-roommate has an unhealthy interest in H, and could become violent with myself or him. H would gradually pull back from her, cutting time with her short and spending less around her anyway to prevent her going over the edge. Possibly giving me that week I need to move into my new apartment (which she doesn't know where it's at, like she does this one), and possibly trying to get her to think it's her idea to get away from him. (Although H did say she had said at one point she didn't want to be around him anymore.)
3. Ex-roommate has an unhealthy interest in H, and all contact is completely cut off. This could lead to violence or stalking behavior because of the abrupt rejection. If she were to cross over to stalking or threats, I would file a restraining order.
H would be happy if #1 played out. I seriously doubt that will happen. Probably, he will try to play through #2--but I have doubts as to whether or not it can be pulled off, and if that would even be a good idea. My fear is we'll get stuck in #3, despite our attempts to get around it.
