Well, she's really got me today. Pushing for a fight, Anyhow, I actually started to raise my voice when I said I'm going to bed. She had no qualms to argue back in front of the kids.
It's like a power thing. Arguing over anything to cause a disagreement.
When I was in the thick of things, I’d think on how unfair it was I was trying to learn to respond to opposing views with active listening and validation at the time when triggers were highest.
When you say, “Send me your proposal and I’ll consider it,” and she’s angry and wants to discuss it with you then and there—it’s hard for me to remember that headspace where I’d defensively argue my reasons instead of re-asserting my boundary (“No, I’m tired.”) and (if not too sleepy) being curious about her anger and urgency around discussing it that night. Validation isn’t agreeing nor being a parrot. It transformed that relationship and also improved mine with my D17.
Good communication will benefit you whether or not you decide to stand for your marriage, plus you are modeling behaviors that your kids will pick up on.
