But there are two things that worry me. The first is the sex. It was an issue before BD and now it is a bit of a different issue. Call it performance anxiety. I see it as, well, it's been like 9 months so I'm out of practice.
Originally Posted by "Josh, 2.33yrs ago"
Also, keep in mind that sex has been problematic for me this last month. It doesn't bother me that much as it happens to everyone. I attribute it to the fact that it has been almost a year of inactivity and now we are into it almost weekly. She raises this as a concern. I reassure her and say that really, orgasm is really our own responsibility, there is a lot of change and it will pass.
Josh, I just read years of her frustration about poor quality or quantity of sex. I hear your reasons--out-of-practice, performance anxiety, not feeling close enough, etc. I don't see consistent low quality and low quantity sex as consistent with a satisfying long-term relationship. I agree with AnotherStander and Sandi core issues went unaddressed in your R, that it was only a half-hearted R.
Are you comfortable talking about sex with her? I hear you that "O is really our own responsibility." She owns that. She told you she's not satisfied. She's proposed solutions you don't like. She's doubtless getting those O's by herself in her bedroom. She's now ready to move on in part because she wants a partner she can have good sex with on a weekly basis. She's owning her O.
I'm baffled you say "This is normal" (to have poor sex after a 9mo break when you've only been intimate again for a month) and "This too shall pass" (when she complains). There are pharmaceutics, devices, and techniques that can delay or speed up our experiences. There are tools like "Sex With Emily's" checklist of "Yes, No, Maybe" to find common ground to explore sexuality. There are training website and sex therapists. Sex is big for her. Why isn't it a priority for you?
