I went home after work, took a nap, and waited for H's call. The dog must have missed me, because she slept right on top of me. Which would have been fine...but I had given her a bath, and she got me soaking wet. Ah, well.

H told me xrm hadn't been mean or yelled like he expected. I was actually disapointed. I get a vindictive pleasure when she shows her true colors. He said she was just hurt because "everyone in her life had left her at some point--her parents, all her friends..." I just listened, although I was thinking I would want to get away from someone who went off the handle as easily as her.

I had been talking about my writing here on the BB, and how helpful it was to me. I have long since stopped hiding my copy of DR, and he's seen the KLA CD's. He commented that Michele's stuff seemed to have really helped me, and I said it had. That his board was the best therapy I had ever tried (I've tried 3 different C's, and never gone back for more than one session).

H then said something that completely took me by surprise. He actually said he wanted to try MC with me. (WTF??? OMG!) I had tried to get him to do this a couple of times, and he refused. Said it was a waste of time. I was so caught off guard, I didn't really say anything.

When I got to H's apartment, he had managed to do a lot during the day. I asked him if he would help me pack, since I had been helping him move, and he said of course he would.

H made a comment that he felt like fooling around, and I told him I would love to, just that it would take time, and he wanted to be done. Well, we wound up ML anyway. H made the comment that it had been a couple of days, and he really missed it. (Is this the same guy?? The guy who seemed happy with, oh, once a month--and when asked, just said "that's the way he was"?? Clearly there was more going on, he just wasn't willing to talk to me about it.) He also said that he couldn't believe that he got sex pretty much whenever he wanted. I just told him it's not like I minded...

I told H his comment about MC really surprised me. He asked if that was a good or bad thing. (LOL!) I told him I was really flattered, he had just completely caught me by surprise. H said he just wanted to make sure that we never split up again. Not that he felt our problems were that severe anymore. I think he sees how helpful DB has been for me, and is, maybe, a tad jealous...

While we were packing, H started in with the scenario questions. He has always done this, but the're just so much more bothersome to me now... So H says, "It would have really hurt you if I did have sex with [xrm], wouldn't it?" I said of course it would have. (Whoops...not the answer I had planned to give him--I guess I was too distracted packing.) He then said, "What would you have done if she had wound up being my girlfriend?" I replied, "I would have been lik 'Hm. I saw that coming."

He then asked me what I would have done if we had gotten a D, then he had remarried to xrm. (Yeah, that would have been smart.) I told him I would have said "Good luck, have a nice life--you're even more likely to D her, since a M with a person whom you had an affair with during your previous M has an even worse chance, statistically speaking, of ending up in D as well." He looked surprised, and walked over to me. Then he asked if I would have fought to get him back. I told him no, at that point I would have let him go, because I would have just been done with the whole mess, and sick of having been lied to. He asked, again, if I would have fought for him. I told him no--doing that, pursuing behavior, only makes the person run away faster, so no, I would not have tried to stop him. He just gave me a hug, and went back to what he was doing.

A few minutes later, he said he was feeling weirded out. (I wonder why?? Okay, that was more than a little sarcastic... My humor gets progressively meaner the less sleep I have...) I asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn't know. So I went over, gave him a big hug, and lots of kisses. That made him smile, although I don't think it completely fixed the problem.

When H took a smoke break--he must be stressed with this whole xrm thing, he started smoking again--he said the whole thing with xrm was really sad earlier. He said she had been really nice, but he thought it might have been a ploy to get him to let his guard down. But that he did tell her she could call him.

This made me a little uncomfortable. One minute he tells me he still thinks that she might still be nuts, the next he says he still might be friends with her. But I had promised myself I would just listen, and let him handle it, no matter how bad I wanted to ask him to never be around her again. Maybe I should tell him that I'm nervous or scared all the time now...? (Although not totally true.) But I guess that would just be plain manipulative. He really does need to see this for himself--I know he will, I just don't have any kind of patience.

Then he said it felt like a final goodbye earlier. Not an "I'll see you later." So that did make me feel better. I think the best thing I can do is not push, just let him handle it his way.

We had agreed that two van trips could get the entire place cleared out, so I would just stay up late with him and help him get it done. I wanted to do all of the heavy stuff first, to get it out of the way when I was less tired.

So we took the king-sized bed down first. His box springs are a pair of twin-sized--which H said were "very light" and we could each take one. So I go to pick one up and...huh...yeah, real light. I could handle it, but H could see me wobbling with it on the long hike to the parking lot. He commented, again, that maybe he really was that much stronger than me. (Nah...) He made it to the van before me, then came back to take my box springs, against my protests.

I checked H's cell once we got upstairs, to see if MIL had called. There was a missed call, so I checked his phone list. (I was telling H while I was doing this, so I really wasn't snooping.) I commented that he had a missed (prefix) number, but not his mom. He got sort of agitated, then wondered if it was too late to return it, before going outside to return the call. (Never stopped him from calling me in the middle of the night.) I'm betting it was roommate, but who knows? I didn't ask; he didn't volunteer.

Next we took two fairly heavy boxes. H did give me the lighter of the two. I was still clearly straining with it. I paused halfway, to set it down for a minute. H told me to wait, he would come back and get it from me--he didn't want me hurt my back. (Moving into this apartment, he used to tell me that he hurt his back to get it done, so I should just suck it.) I told him it was too late, it was already sore from the previous day--and finished carrying it to the van.

We had to take off then, to pick up BIL2 from the airport. (There was no one else.) Why neither of us thought about me just staying and taking a nap on the floor, I don't know (shows you when you're tired, you can't think straight). But I went with H to the airport. We took the SP, and after we found the correct baggage claim, started (jokingly) arguing over who got to play Zelda. I commented, "How old are we?" And H laughed. So I played for a bit, then he played for a bit. We didn't have to wait too long on BIL2.

H tried to kidnap him for the moving effort, but that didn't work. So we had to take him home. I laid down in the back seat of the car. They were talking about his trip, and H wanted to know if the people in the pueblo had asked as much about me as when H had gone down by himself last year. I think it's a bit of an ego boost for him. BIL2 confirmed, with a loud groan, that yes, they were still fascinated by our M.

So we took BIL2 home. I curled up on the couch. (It was already way past my bedtime.) H was getting really affectionate, lots of ILY, and wanting to be next to me.

By the time we left, we were both out of it. So we just went to get the van, then spent the night at my place, since H didn't have any clothes anywhere else. So, unfortunately, we still aren't done with the moving.

By then I was ridiculously whiny and grumpy. Can't even remember what I was saying, but at one point, H told me I was being annoying. I told him I knew I was, I was sorry, I was just tired. But H must be very appreciative of my efforts to help him. He told me he would take me out to a movie when we were done, and he was massaging on my lower back, and then he even pushed on my spine like I'm always asking him to. (Yes, it feels very good, it often gets out of alignment when I do anything physical.) He even offered to start packing today while I was at work, and asked me where to start.

When I got up this morning, I was in a bad mood. Still no hot water, although that's supposed to be taken care of today. (Long story.) And second night in a row of about 4 hours of sleep. Yeah, I'm feeling grumpy. (Should be obvious from my post, by now. ) But I know it's just because I'm tired...I'm going to try to take a nap once I get home, that should help even out my mood.

And then...that stupid apartment will be gone for good! Yay!

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]