AK, so sorry to hear about your dad. Never easy. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
However, sometimes good things can come out of bad things. And while I too am very pro-marriage and dislike seeing divorce, I can never fault a person for moving forward with D when their spouse is an unrepentant cheater. So seeing your start to strengthen through your dad is really nice to see. Keep being there for your dad, and then make sure you are being there for yourself too!
Thank you, Steve. Yes, to say I was surprised about my dad's reaction about my situation is an understatement. I really thought he would still be hoping for reconciliation, or at least some work towards MR. It is good to know how strongly he feels about what H has done and that I pretty much has his blessings if D is in the horizon. I must also say before we were married, my dad was one of H's biggest supporter, so I am sure dad is feeling the same if not more disappointment in H's actions.
Usually those that invest in people are the most disappointed when those people show their true colors. I have examples of that in my own life.
So sorry this happened to you too. Did this happen in your situation? Although I realise that it is true, it is a sad realisation and it makes you feel discouraged from trusting people.
it makes you feel discouraged from trusting people.
After my divorce from my own narcissistic cheating ex, I realized that I didn’t notice the red flags precisely because I DIDN’T grow up with any family dysfunction. I’d had no idea I should be on the lookout for this stuff.
It’s one reason why it’s useful to read up on narcissism and on sociopathy. We want to see the red flags and pay attention to them in future dating. That doesn’t mean we can’t trust again, but we need to give our trust to people who are worthy of it.
it makes you feel discouraged from trusting people.
After my divorce from my own narcissistic cheating ex, I realized that I didn’t notice the red flags precisely because I DIDN’T grow up with any family dysfunction. I’d had no idea I should be on the lookout for this stuff.
It’s one reason why it’s useful to read up on narcissism and on sociopathy. We want to see the red flags and pay attention to them in future dating. That doesn’t mean we can’t trust again, but we need to give our trust to people who are worthy of it.
kml - you are so right about red flags, there is a time and place for everything, unfortunately sometimes it’s running behind. It’s difficult to trust people after what all/most of us here went through but Vets are saying it will get better with time…..
Usually those that invest in people are the most disappointed when those people show their true colors. I have examples of that in my own life.
So sorry this happened to you too. Did this happen in your situation? Although I realise that it is true, it is a sad realisation and it makes you feel discouraged from trusting people.
AnnKay, it wasn't necessarily me as much as it was witnessing other people invest in others, and then be severely disappointed. I have a relative that had a very troubled H. I saw his true colors very early on, but others did not and got burned by loaning him money or getting him jobs (which he would eventually flake out on and stop showing up).
As far as trusting people, I am one of those that prescribes to trust being something that is earned. I do not bestow trust on others blindly, or without seeing if I can trust them. Unfortunately, most people are not trustworthy. And trusting people too quickly, or without seeing if they are trustworthy, is a recipe for getting burned.
When I worked in retail years (decades) ago, we were taught a simple truth: 15% of people will never steal no matter what. 15% of people will always steal, no matter what. 70% of people will steal if given the right opportunity to do so, and if they think they can get away with it.
This goes to show that 85% of people are basically untrustworthy. The numbers can be argued, but the principle cannot be. The fact is that unfortunately we live in a world where you cannot trust MOST people. I can count on one hand the number of people I've met in life that I can truly trust.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, I found various polls and estimates on what percent of employees steal, which seems to vary based on sector and type of theft (e.g., food vs. cash). The California Restuarant Association estimates 75%, the American Polygraph Association estimates 50%, the FBI estimates 70%, and the Justice Department estimates 30%. Us "Never Steal" types ARE a minority.
How's the pregnancy going? Are you able to join any expecting mothers groups to help meet friends and GAL?
Hi BL42, thank you for checking in on me. It is so weird that I initially thought I would be spending most of my time not doing much aside from wallowing in sadness. With managing my maternity leave replacement, preparing handover and going to different leaving do's at work, I barely have time to prepare for baby, let alone GALing. I have joined a mothers group nearby, but I have to say my participation has been passive at best.
My cousin and her family is now in our city, so my son and I have been spending whatever free time we have with them. They know about the situation, and have offered to be there to help out when baby is here. My friends have also offered different things to help with when the baby is born, so I feel less anxious about it. My DB coach does encourage listing out items to be prepared or done before, during and after the birth though, and still offering H the opportunity to contribute. I think it makes sense, he is still the dad. He did help with sorting out baby clothes, washing them and with some baby-related furniture arrangements here and there, so it's good that at least I don't have to risk throwing my back or paying someone for it.
Aside from that, obgyn has said the baby is quite big so might need to be induced if necessary. I honestly do not mind. Any predictability is ideal for me now. Onwards and upwards from here on!
You sound stronger in this latest update. Good to hear things are going well, at least considering the situation. I'm glad the job is keeping your mind busy and you have family and friends helping out. Best of luck to you and the baby as you progress towards the due date.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
