H called me again yesterday morning before I left to go to MIL's. Just chit-chatted. I asked him if he had found his ring, since he had been concerned he had misplaced it the other day. He said he had, that he was wearing it, so he wouldn't lose it in the move. I said I had a couple of good places he could put it at my place, so it wouldn't get lost. He said that was unnecessary.
We met at MIL's house, and both showered there. I had no hot water. He had packed his shower curtain.
MIL came in not too long after that. She had not spent the night at her house while I was there (I'm assuming she was with her bf), and noticed that someone had been there. So I said it was me, so she wouldn't worry.
Well...MIL is nosy, and one thing led to another, and H told her part of the story. That someone (he didn't say ex-roommate...I'm going to use xrm from now on...) had been acting crazy about him and he just felt better if I stayed the night elsewhere. He didn't tell her much, just that it was someone from the club, and that she knew where I lived. MIL actually asked if it was xrm, and H denied it. (I'm sure he doesn't want her jumping to conclusions.)
After that we shopping to get some presents for BIL1's two boys. On the drive over, I mentioned H was wearing an earring again (he had taken it out for awhile, and now he was wearing one I had given him). I told H I had found it really creepy that xrm had let him wear an actual diamond earring that her bf had given to her. H had said he didn't think anything of it, that his female friends had always given him stuff. I pointed out that they had also usually wanted to be more than friends, and he agreed that was true.
I told him I felt like there were things that step on my boundaries as his wife, that he shouldn't let women do. H said getting the attention made him feel good...and then he paused, and said that things were different now, since he was M, and maybe that did change the situation. (Wow! H has always maintained the "there's nothing wrong, I'm going to do what I want" attitude. His indicating a bit of doubt in this area was big. H then said, rather plaintively, that he didn't understand why these women fall in love with him so easily. (He's not exaggerating. He easily attracts a women--part of his personality.)
We were goofing off in the gaming store, picked up a couple of things for us. H got a little annoyed at me at one point. He had asked me to bring the SP, which I did--and didn't take it with me once we left MIL's. He was grumpy, saying he wanted to try out the games at the store, that's one of the reasons he had wanted the SP. I just let him gripe, and tried not to be affected by it.
I was flipping through the game magazine, commenting on some stuff I thought we should get to play together. H commented to the rep that he had the coolest wife, since I enjoyed video games as much as he did. After that, when we were headed to BIL1's house, he said he he had actually forgotten we had ever been apart. He then apologized for being so snappy in the store, said he was just stressed about a lot of stuff.
The bday party for the kids was fun. Although MIL had told BIL1 "something" happened. So then he was extremely interested. I tried to avoid the subject, and so did H. But by then we had a crowd of people wanting to know "what happened." H and I kept trying to tell them it was really a non-incident, but it kept getting blown up. And, of course, he didn't let on who it really was--just that it was "someone from his club." Although maybe hearing all of these people will get H to see the position he's really put me in with all of this. They were all flipping out, saying H had a stalker. While I really don't think she'll keep this up for very long, I think a good dose of reality (from people who don't know the whole background, and don't know who she is, and don't have a personal stake in it) is good for him.
After some time, H got out the SP and started playing with it. Which left me little to do. BIL1's IL's were there...and I don't like them much (they yell a lot). So I wound up wandering upstairs to play Halo with BIL1 and his two girls. Interestingly, H soon followed us upstairs to play his SP closer to me. And ask me questions on where the different dungeons were.
It had been storming (and I mean a wall of rain), so we had put our original plans of finishing moving his stuff on hold. But the rain abruptly cleared up, so we decided to try to get it done.
As we drove back to MIL's to pick up my car, H commented that he was really hurt by all of xrm's behavior, that he had counted her as one of his really close friends. And that it seemed like I had been right, that she really did have something else on her mind. He kept asking if he had done something to deserve her treating him like this. I told him no, of course, and it was okay to be upset about it. He said he had just assumed that he and xrm would be good friends, just not living together anymore. I told him I had thought so, too, but she was the one who had made prevented that. And, if she was going to turn on him like this, then she really wasn't his friend anyway. I told H, to me, it really sounded like an emotional affair. He said maybe more so on her part, and that maybe it really was a good thing this had happened after all, since now they're not going to be friends anymore, to head off anything else from happening.
I went by my parents' house to borrow their (very large) van. I only stepped inside for a minute, and made mention of the two cats. My dad gave me a bizarre look, and said (kind of harshly) "I thought we were just moving you." I told him that I had the cats now, and he just sort of looked at me funny.
I debated whether or not to tell H, and finally decided not to. It would only hurt him, wouldn't help the situation, and I want to be able to work on my parents' attitude some more.
I felt uncomfortable in the apartment again. I think H could see the look on my face, as I was packing dishes. I had seen where xrm had written something on the dry-erase board (in permanent marker, no less), and H had tried to clean it off. I know it was a bit snoopish, I tried to read it, but all I could make out was some bad profanity. H asked me what was bothering me, and I said I didn't want to talk about it. But he kept insisting.
This always puts me in an awkward position. H hates it when I "don't talk to him," but, at the same time, I knew it was unproductive. He finally came over, gave me a hug, and asked me again. I told him that I was really weirded out, and at that point, was convinced he and xrm had actually had an affair. H got this really hurt look, and told me that he hadn't done anything physically with her. (And it actually rang very true to me.) I told him that's why I didn't want to bring up the subject again. He had already told me that, several times, and I knew I was just feeling uncomfortable because I was there. And that I didn't want to upset him.
Well...I was feeling better. And then H wasn't. (Which is why I hadn't wanted to talk then.) While I was packing, H started volunteering more info on xrm. I think he was really bothered. He spilled that at some point, she had accused him of lieing about saying he needed to move in with his mom, that the lease was really up, so that he could just get rid of her. I gave H a funny look, and said that didn't make any sense, if the lease had been up, then it actually would have made more sense.
Then H told me something that actually seriously worried me. I had pretty much decided that maybe xrm was just mouthing off about knowing where I lived and that sort of thing, and wouldn't really do anything. He told me xrm had said she wanted to get a cat that looked exactly like our male cat--and then give it the same name.
All the calling and yelling and maybe even driving by I can understand (although it's not acceptable). We've all been tempted to do that. But to get a cat that looks the same and give it the same name?
I'm wondering what else she might have said that H is holding back from me.
While were packing, H pointed out that he was wearing his ring. I had noticed it much earlier, just not said anything. I told him I had seen it. He said he just didn't want to lose it. I said that made sense. H then commented that maybe he would just leave it on. I said that would nice. (I had seen this coming earlier. H had actually taken it off when he started bartending, after I told him it was okay, because when he does flair it hits the bottles pretty solidly, and messes up what he's doing.)
Then H mentioned that he wanted to make multiple trips with the van last night. I told H I couldn't, I was already doing a big favor for him last night, and that I had to get some sleep at some point. He said he was concerned he was going to get evicted (having not paid the rent and never getting $$ from xrm) or that xrm might just show up (I asked, and he said she was dumb enough to do that), and he wanted to get this all done and just be over it. I told him I would help him until I really had to sleep.
We decided to do the two couches first, since they were the worst. I did my best to help H with them, since he had complained last time that he did all of the work. I actually brought my workout gloves--which H thought was great that I had planned ahead. As we were carrying the biggest one to the van, I had to set it down twice (the apartment is disgusting far from the parking lot). H actually said he was finally beginning to realize that I wasn't as strong as him. (DUH! But it was nice to hear it. )
I asked H to drive down to MIL's, since I needed to take a nap. But, once we got in the van, I was just upset. Combination of being tired and being in that place again. I started crying. I thought since it was dark, H wouldn't notice--but he caught the reflection on my cheek, and asked me what was wrong.
I told H that I was fine, I just needed to cry. But he persisted. I told him that I was convinced he was going to leave me again, eventually. He asked if he looked like a guy who was going to leave, and I said no, he didn't.
I then blurted out all of the things he had done that really hurt me. How he had left a screaming vmail, while I was at the gym, accusing me of doging his calls and say he was going to put all of my stuff out on the street if I didn't come get it, because he "couldn't go on with his life" while it was all still there. He said he had no idea that he had done that, he didn't remember saying those things, and he was just really in pain. I said I knew that. I told him that I had felt really left behind when he started hanging out with xrm and another male friend all the time, like I had been completely left behind. And that's why I was convinced he was having an affair with her. I told him it hurt really bad that he got rid of me quicker and more harshly than her.
H told me that I was the one he wanted, he had realized he couldn't live without me. I told H he had said the exact same things after the first sep. He was quiet for a minute, then said that he didn't know that. But that he didn't want to be hurt anymore, he had wanted to be with me for the rest of his life, and things were so messed up between us that he just didn't know what to do. That he just wanted us to think for some time and try to resolve whatever was wrong. But that it had gotten way out of hand, and he had never meant for any of this to go the way it had. That he thought, every day, of calling me and just asking me to bring my stuff back to the apartment. But he was afraid that wouldn't fix anything. I told him he was right, we both needed the time, that's why there was a second sep--the first one didn't last long enough. It's just that xrm got in the way, and I didn't appreciate that.
After I had finished crying, I did feel better. I knew it was one of those things that I just needed to flush out, and I would be fine.
Once we had put the stuff in MIL's garage (it was midnight, and she never even woke up) I told H I just couldn't do anymore, I had to go to bed. The dog had not been fed, and I needed to get to work in the morning. H asked if he could borrow the van overnight to get done, he just wanted out of that place so bad--but I told him I wouldn't have a vehicle.
I didn't go back up with H to the apartment, I was so tired I just needed to get home. H told me to be careful, call him, and keep an eye out. I noticed he was looking at every passing car to make sure it wasn't her.
After I got home, I called H. He mentioned xrm had left a few items in the apartment that he needed to give to her. He sounded, again, like he missed her--said he wished he could just give her her stuff without it being a big deal. I told H I had a feeling that said she was going to do something else. I don't think violent, I think more along the lines of mouthing off to him, maybe showing up at the apartment or something. He said he had the same feeling.
I told H that I would be fine, I had the (very loud) dog and was armed, so not to worry. I asked him to call me if he was going to let himself into my place at night, since I was a little on edge. And that I would try to come over to his place after work to help him finish up.
I'm still cranky with H today. I know it's because I'm tired. But this also sucks. H throws me out, gets new roommate. Female roommate has something in her head about her friendship with H that is clearly not true--I'm more convinced of that now than ever because of her bizarre behavior. I get stuck helping H late at night to move all of his stuff, to help get him out of a mess that not only did he put himself into, but was horrible to me about in the beginning. This really sucks. (Yes, that was just a b!tch paragraph. )
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