Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out

[BL42]

PeterB,

Should I tell her that if she PAs then I will divorce her (she does not know that I know about OM)?

You don't have to tell her, you can just do it. Action over words. IF you do choose to tell her, than you should stick to it, or we will learn you won't enforce your boundaries.

I thought about this and I actually decided I will divorce her if she goes PA.

You say you will divorce her if she's having a physical affair, but re-read what you previously wrote...

She is also having an affair with someone over the phone. She demonstrates very suspicious behavior, and someone informed me that he recently saw her on two dates with a guy she has known for a very long time. She met this guy while traveling and she changed suddenly soon after meeting him. He reported that her behavior was consistent with a physical relationship, although I don't know to what extent.

I'm sorry to say this, because I know you don't want to hear it, but it's almost certainly a physical affair and they've done much more than think. It's awful, I know, but that's reality.

Imo it's one thing for people to say they will leave/divorce a cheater but you never truly know how you'll feel/react until the situation happens in real life. It's alright if you want to keep your family together and are prepared to forgive if she feels remorse and wants to reconcile, but if a PA truly is a boundary for you you have to be prepared to enforce it, and you're very likely already in a situation with a PA. Sorry to say that, because I know it hurts, but better to face reality than ignore it.