I should have expected I would be emotional today. Typical of me, when I don't get enough sleep...and I got less than 4 hours last night...

Okay, I was just sitting on my couch having a little pity party with myself and a thing of ice cream. Just crying. Convinced again that H really had crossed the line and had a PA with roommate. Yeah, I knew I needed to thought-stop...but I'm just so mentally exhausted right now... Okay, more than anything, I just wanted to cry on my H.

Well, he has the best timing today. H called me while I was in the middle of crying. (That's twice today he's just happened to call when I really needed to hear him...) He knew immediately something was wrong, and asked me if I was okay. I told him I was just tired, and wanted to take a nap.

He said he had just called to tell me that he and (male) friend had moved out the majority of his stuff and taken it to his mother's house. That he should be able to make dinner tonight with me and my friend. He also mentioned he still had a little bit left to do, but wanted to let me sleep tonight. (Wow...H saying he wants me get enough sleep...he used to never be so considerate... )

Talking to him was very, very calming, even if it was only for a minute. He was still with his friend, so he said he would call me later when he knew better what he was going to do about dinner.

I keep reminding myself that H has made a point of telling me he did sleep with roommate. That he even volunteered this, without my asking, months ago. I remember, one night we were on the phone, around the time we reconciled (maybe shortly after?) I had told H I didn't want to know/didn't care if he had been with anyone during the sep--and H kept insisting I ask him, sounding very proud, until I finally gave in, and he told me he hadn't done anything with anyone, even though he had been offered at work.

And...H has come back to me twice now. No one else seems to be able to displace me permanently. And I have to acknowledge that we were having issues, and even though he's responsible for his actions, I contributed to the environment that allowed it to be an option for him.

I do think a good night's sleep will calm me down. H has just been incredible the last month, doing so much without being asked to reassure me.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]