If you have a boundary that if she sleeps with other men then you will divorce her then you divorce her.
Originally Posted by PeterB
I see a thread called "boundaries". Are you suggesting I read that? Should I tell her that if she PAs then I will divorce her (she does not know that I know about OM)?
No, a boundary controls you. Boundaries are action. A boundary is hanging up when someone yells at you on the phone, or divorcing when someone cheats on you. You don't have to personally adopt either of those boundaries.
What you're describing is talking--threats, ultimatums--with the goal of controlling her. A common indicator of whether it's a boundary or something else is that need to announce it. The boundary thread is good. Read up!
Originally Posted by Peter
She started saying some things about her thoughts last night and I didn't respond at all.
As BL points out, validation can help you make progress. Talking about her feelings to you is a much better place to be than her giving up on saying anything towards you. I'll applaud biting your tongue when you weren't sure what to say. That at least doesn't move you backwards!
