Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out

[BL42]

Damn, you & @Traveler just put it across in a stark way. There was indeed an expectation that she would notice, see the value of it and treat me better. Lack of that led to heavy resentment inside me. She claims sometimes that she doe see value and then in the next statement completely dismiss and even belittle my efforts, often saying that my son does not need it. Just fyi, two of his medical interventionists have a very different take on me - they call me a 'genius' and a 'superdad' - exact words. I am not bragging given that our son has a long way to go and almost all of the credit goes to him but what they say does make me a bit happy and it is at odds with what my wife thinks. Anyway, none of these matter now. If the R gets saved then perhaps she will see through one day.

Covert contracts can lead to resentment which can build up and cause major problems over time. Work on this aspect of your personality. Learn to be more direction and upfront with your needs. You can be a fantastic father but also be treating your W poorly due to resentment.

She started saying some things about her thoughts last night and I didn't respond at all.

Read the validation thread. Learn to listen, understand and validate her feelings.

If the A is still going on she is not trying to reconcile. Only going through the motions for whatever ulterior motive she has at the moment.

^Yep. If she's having an active affair she's acting like an addict - don't even try to get her to reconile - just work on yourself and be there for your son.

At times she does directly bring up conflicts in her mind. I avoid responding to them. Is there any such situation where I should tell her something like - "thats your job to worry about, not mine"

No! Validate. I understand you feel conflicted.

Right. Your comment comes off as passive aggressive. Learn to validate her feelings/emotions without sounding judgmental.

I am not going to move out - hell no. Should I at some point ask her to move out? For example, if I find out that she is soon going to restart PA (that would be the time when she decides to visit the place where OM lives).

You can ask her to move out but legally she doesn't have to go anywhere. Speak to a lawyer to find out your rights in your area.

You can't control her or make her move out. You can only focus on and improve yourself and your life.