Well, H just called me. I had pretty much calmed down, already. Realized a lot of the fear was just crazymaking in my own head, that I was jumping to conclusions. Hearing him was very, very soothing. I guess roommate had called him and woke him up to "apologize." He said it felt like she was just trying to manipulate him to get her way.

He told me he was on his way to his place, that he was going to just rent a van, and a friend was going to help him move out everything while she's at work. I guess she never went back last night.

H also told me some more about what happened last night. I guess he had told her to tell the cats goodbye, that they were leaving that night, and she got all upset/mad, and wanted to know why the cats couldn't stay with her. Um, yeah. I told H that they were half mine. Well, one of them is really mine...but we agreed, even when we were fighting, to not split the two cats up. I told H it really ticked me off she thought she had some claim on the cats.

H defended her some, said it was like taking away a good friend suddenly. I said I understood she would miss them, but that certainly didn't make her entitled to them!

I told him I was really tired, kind of in a fog, that I had less than four hours of sleep, and I was feeling cranky. He told me how much he appreciated me helping him. And I said I really did know how much it meant to him, and to call me if he needed more help.

I did gripe some into the phone. But I didn't yell. Maybe I can gripe without yelling to release some of the tension...? I do feel somewhat better.

I told H that, especially since I am dead tired, that I'm just in a lousy mood. That I'm not uspet with him. I'm just tired of all of roommate's crap. He said that he was too. (:D So I'm evil....it makes me happy to hear this...) That I'm sick of her acting like she's entitled to him or his things.

He said she might just be upset because, in her mind, if she was such a good friend, it didn't make sense why she couldn't hang onto some stuff for him while he's gone in the army. I pointed out that he didn't even like to lend his brother stuff--that I clearly felt privelaged. (H is incredibly anal about his electronics and games...she obviously doesn't know him that well if she didn't understand that. It's a pretty basic, clear thing about his personality.) H agreed that I was privelaged. (The man doesn't even like other people to handle his DVD's...I have to watch them and handle them if I take them anywhere else.)

H told me he was doing this for me, he was doing all of this to make me happy. I told him I knew that, and I appreciated it so much--that I thought about that just as much as everything else that made me mad. That, all of the stuff he is doing for me, is the second most prevalant thought in my head.

I did gripe some more about roommate, and I do feel better. I think he wasn't as sensitive this morning, so it wasn't as big of a deal that I was being mad about her. Probably because I had just got done telling him that I really and truly knew what kind of effort he was putting in for me. I should thank him for letting me gripe later, tell him it really cleared out the anger, and then make sure not to gripe for awhile.

H did mention that he wasn't at all irritated with me last night while I was helping him move--he sounded fairly surprise by it. He said he thought it was because I didn't gripe during the move...didn't say "it's too heavy" or "I'm gonna drop it" and said stuff like "give me something to carry" and "I can take more." I told him I thought it was because I was stronger now, from the gym. He pointed out I asked him several times to readjust, and that was okay, so it's not that things were not heavy or awkward...just my approach in saying things was different. (Goes to show how you say something is just as important, if not more so, than what you say.)

I also think this may be tied into my passive agressive nature. The last time we moved, we moved into his apartment right after the first sep. I was still steamed at him over the PA. I think that was coming out in my griping about all the other little things.

Talking to him was very calming. I had already decided that whatever happened with roommate didn't matter. I had asked a few times, and he has told me nothing occurred. No point in asking again. And, again, there was a second sep because we didn't make the necessary changes after the first one. Time to put the past behind me.

H actually mentioned he felt like we had both grown a lot, emotionally, through this. That we were both different--in a good way--and it made us more stable. He also said that, even if for some reason we didn't work out, he would always measure anyone else he dated against me. I knew he meant it as a compliment, and a high one...it was just a weird way of putting it.

I am glad he called me. Without him realizing it, just talking to him was very reassuring.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]