Hi BL, I'm doing well. I'm glad you appear to be doing well also. You and I were going through our initial stages of this ordeal at around the same time, back around the Spring/Summer of 2020. Seems like ages ago, doesn't it? It's good to see you here helping others, sharing your hard-earned wisdom & offering advice. When BD arrives it really turns us inside out, it's hard to make sense of anything. The not eating, the not sleeping, the constantly trying to figure out just what the heck went wrong and how I couldn't have seen it when in hindsight it should have been as clear as day, the overwhelming feeling of dread that comes from no longer feeling in control of one's life. We live our lives with assumptions, and in my case one of those assumptions was that her and I would be together until one of us kicked the bucket. Best not to assume these things. Lesson very much learned. Those first few days, weeks, months after BD, when one is first coming to terms with the shock and what seems like betrayal, are awfully rough, and it's hard to think straight. That's why it's good to have a place to come to and meet some friends who have been through it as well, who can share with you their own sitch, can relate to what it is you're experiencing, and assure you that, in time, it does get better. So, this month it's been two years since BD, and one year since the divorce becoming final. I still have my moments from time to time, but they're much less frequent. I've gotten better at forcing myself to focus on something else when I feel it coming back. I'll always wish that it didn't end the way it did. Maybe there were some sides to her to which I was blind. I know perfectly well I'm far from perfect and there were many things I should have done better. But I think several months after BD I stopped beating myself up, and by the end of the summer of 2020 I realized I was going to be okay, but that it was going to be a gradual thing, and GAL was a little tougher during a pandemic but certainly not impossible.
She's not a bad person. She's done a lot to help people over the years and often places the interests of others before her own. But I also know now that I would never have any interest in reconciling with someone who would treat me with that kind of disrespect. Oh, in the immediate wake of BD getting control of my life back was all I could think about. But there comes a time when the finality of it finally sinks in. It wasn't really that bad. It was almost a relief. It was like I was no longer burdened. And over time, it's not just the WASs who may lose the feeling, sometimes the LBSs do too. We too can flip that switch and say, you know what, I don't really think it's there anymore. That said, I understand each sitch is different and in some cases it may still be worth it to try, especially when they're are children.
When I see some of the more recent sitches, it's amazing how much commonality there is wrt the behavior of WASs. The kind of behavior which seems so much out of character at the time. "Who is this person? Where the he!# is my wife? Heck, even her voice sounds like she's transformed into a different person. Is she on medication which has radically changed her personality?" They're addicted I guess, and the LBS is an impediment to the fix and will be treated by that once special someone, that same someone who once loved them, with contempt.
Hope you're doing well, BL. I think it's awesome you're helping those who have been through what we've been through.
