Need advice please. (3)

[BL42]

Dink,

found out today that she is now in contact with previous affair partner EA from a bout 4 years ago, and been frequently staying at current AP on weekends the past month so that’s messed up

Unfortunately these situations are so infuriatingly predictable. Here's my comment to you nearly a month ago, just 3 days after you created your thread:

Considering the history between you two and timing of the latest BD I wouldn't discount another man, and it's perhaps even likely the same man got back in touch.

I believe she plans on doing Easter at his house with possibly his son and has no plans to do anything with our kids.

It wouldn't surprise anyone here. It's unfortunately not uncommon for a WS/WAS to value spending time with their AP over their own children. My ExW met up with OM2 on Mother's Day weekend while I watched D1 and S4 (who I'll never forget was looking out the window tearing up saying I just want to see mommy on mother's day). The thing is, it's not on you to maintain her relationship with the kids.

Well my wife texted me and said she needed to talk to me about Easter with the kids.

You didn't need to respond to this text or have this argument at all. Your children are adults, not 5yos. You can discuss with them directly how to spend the holidays, similar to how you asked J directly if anything was wrong. NC & LTR don't have a "Easter logistics" exception. Unless there's a medical emergency there's hardly anything you need to be directly in touch with her about right now.

She said I’m not going to bust my ass cleaning to have it here.

She WILL lie to you and make ridiculous excuses to further her agenda. Better to not even hear it.

So now I am doing something with the kids on Sunday which is great.

Great! Think of this as a wonderful opportunity to spend Easter with your children. You'll have fun and make memories. Don't engage with the kids on why your W isn't spending the holiday with them. Sadly, they'll find out soon enough on their own.

But I just have this gut feeling she is planning to go to his house and having Easter with him and possible his son or something. I mean why would she not want to spend time with the kids on Easter if she had no other place to go? The guy only live a mile from where I’m staying. So I think I’m going to drive before meeting the kids on Easter to see if her vehicle is there, because if it is that is just F’d up…I think she is so far gone right now.

Your gut is almost certainly right. LBS's guts are typically dead on accurate in these situations. The thing is, what is driving over there going to accomplish? Her vehicle will most likely be there and they'll most likely be together. Seeing and confirming that in person is only going to rile you up and get you spinning more emotionally. You already know they were together 4 years ago...and you got through it. You'll get through it again. It's awful Dink, I get it. I've been there and no exactly how you're feeling right now and it's awful. But like LH says you can't control her. You can only decide how you're going to respond. Better to spend extra time with your kids than playing PI with W & OM.

This is a terrible situation. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But try to keep the focus on how you can improve yourself / your life, and use this as a way to strengthen your relationship with your children.