Hi All... BL, In the past we would owe 4 to 5 grand in taxes so a wash is good and yes they were done by a CPA, and I have the files. Since H is crazy I told him to leave them and I would file with the rest of our tax papers. As far as my push, I am human, I will always love him he was my H for 21 years and we have been in each others life for 28 years. I can't just shut that off. The life that I had with him was a happy one. I did not know he lived a double life, I trusted him, obviously that has changed now. I don't like him right now, and I hate the disgusting details that his friend has told me about and keeps telling me about. But the life we shared, in my eyes, in my memories is just that.
K Yep I know, he was never the man I thought he was. For us to get back together after all of this would truly take a miracle. Yes he would need years of therapy and in patient treatment. He would have to change his entire life, I don't think he has that in him. With the lifestyle he is living, I am affraid he will meet a early grave. I am working that out with my attoney to make sure that all of the money that we have saved comes to me should that happen.
A Yes, I have thought of this. When he figures out how much this is going to cost him, that he will try to stop the D. I spoke with my L about this as well. I am very much aware of what is coming, H is still clueless. At this point we would both have to agree to stop the D. If he comes crying and begging, my plan is to tell him that this marriage is dead, so the D needs to happen. That I will keep our money safe, but that he needs to get help and his own place. As Kml said, What would real change look like.... years of therapy and addiction recovery. But the marriage we had is dead.
D, Yep, I offered to drop the check off in his truck at work so he would not have to see me or come to the house. But he said he would stop by on his lunch break, so I let him. I don't know what he was looking for either, but I acted like my old self, even showed him my surgery scar. He knows that I know the truth about his double life now, even if he won't admit it. I can't imagine what is going on in his head, it must be utter chaos. One would think that his demons are eating him alive from the inside out.
Bttrfly, Right, I don't know why people think that way. I know myself, I can't just move on like its no big deal, I am not built that way. I am going out and having fun and meeting new people, but thats all it is for now. I am too broken for now, someday I'll be ready.
