Hi D, Work is getting better, I am catching on a bit. So for now its a job, everyone I've met seems nice so that good. We'll see how it goes, but they understand it takes a few months for new people to know what they are doing..Insurance plan is good and not expensive.
Saw H today, he needed me to sign the tax papers and write out a check, between state and federal it was a wash, so that was good. He came to the house and got to see the fur babies. He kept telling me he would help with the pool if I needed him to, I really didn't give him a answer. I have not contacted him in a few weeks, but he keeps texting my during the week. I answer if it is something important, but I wait a half of day or longer to respond. Asked about my surgery and how my Dad was doing. He seemed normal, but we all know thats a mask.
He seemed to want to hang out and kept playing with the cats and walking around the house, looking at the back yard. He was only here for about 20 minutes. But I said to him, you must really miss the cats.. he said yeah I really do... and then I asked... do you miss your wife too.. He said yes, I already told you I miss everything.. then he gave me the tightest huge.. Then he said he had to get back to work so I walked him out.
I held it together and was my fake happy self. It was a weird interaction.. I know I should not have asked him that but oh well, sometimes my filter fails me...I still love the man he was, I know he is not that man anymore. I worry that when the D and the finacial impact to him hits, that he will go farther off the deep in. But it is what it is, I have to look out for me now, this was his choice, not mine.
Divorce is less than 2 months out now, June 6th, talked to my L last week. Instead of life insurance on H he is going to try to keep my name on his retirement accounts as the benefactor as H is living a very unhealth rockstar life right now.(So if he dies before the alimony is up that would be the back up)...Spending money like its going out of style Also L is going to push for Alimony until I am 65, due to my bad back and health issues caused from what H has/ is putting me through. But says he will not accept anything less than half the marriage And also his social securty.. I will not pay taxes on Alimony, confirmed that with the lawyer, H will have to cough up 50% of his gross,base and bonus check, but still pay taxes on all of it. He is not going to have much left to live on if my L can pull this off.
I have been doing pretty good at GAL, going out on the weekends. Everyone wants me to meet there single friends...I am not ready, I just can't.. yet.. I don't know if I will ever beable to let another man close to me. And it would not be fair to someone for me to even try with at this point.
Thanks for checking in with me D, I'm hanging in. Seeing H today made me miss him, but I'll be okay...I will always love the man I knew, I was happy in our marriage, but I that marriage is dead.
