Sex is pretty satisfying to her right now. But there have been many years of poor sex because of certain problems with me (don't want to TMI here). Suffice to say that currently I am as good as I was in college . Is this whole thing logical - it's not! Should I tell her something like "I think we should stop having sex"? What if she asks "Why?" in response?
Ok so if no PA then you should get tested or wear a condom. You can continue to do it if you can emotionally handle it and know that it means nothing.
Originally Posted by PeterB
Very true. I would go into a mental spiral of repeatedly asking why is this happening, please stop, please stop. I now realize that it was a terrible type of weakness. I wonder how other people have controlled these situations? I am trying to slow-mo and detach, basically be in the moment yet see it from outside to inside. Also accept that it is happening.
If you are familar with the "stages of grief" you are in the bargaining phase. Google it as it will help you understand where you are in the process.
Originally Posted by PeterB
Ok point taken. I hope she feels the weight of responsibility at some point through self-analysis. I am not going to hold my breath for that though.
I am going to shoot straight with you Peter because I feel you can handle it. It is going to be a really long time before she feels the weight of responsibility. Likely years after your are divorced.
Originally Posted by PeterB
"... the only person you can control is yourself" - I have learnt that to a good extent and that has helped me tremendously. Actually, it led me to implement the '180' approach. But I can't say the learning is perfect. I feared that without having to deal with a family environment, she might drift even further. But I suppose it can have the opposite effect too.
You can't bring her any closer or push her further away unless you come completely unhinged. She is on a journey and nothing you can say or do will likely alter that process. Give her time and space.
Originally Posted by PeterB
Sounds good. First 3 weeks I did bring up her IC and friends. I have not since then. Her mom is running her mouth too and has selectively revealed stuff to a few gossipy people who are close to my parents. But I just ignore all this and not bring it up with her. Probably not give any importance to it in my mind either?
Yeah you can't control what her mom or anyone else says about you. You can only control how you react to it.
. Is this whole thing logical - it's not! Should I tell her something like "I think we should stop having sex"? What if she asks "Why?" in response?
