Hi Peter, some forum members have turned affair or other situations around.
Those situations took many months. The WAS had to face the possibility of losing their Plan B (spouse), miss them, and be willing to make meaningful amends. Being mean, cold, etc. or "nicing" them are not typically on that path. Being able to validate their feelings, face and correct any misbehaviors that contributed to the relationship's downfall, setting boundaries that respect you and your values and enable you to endure this, and moving on can all be helpful.
Be that success story who gets the girl in the end (if you still want her) like Steve, May, or a couple of others here. Show us your attempts at validation. Tell us about your 180s and GAL game. What boundaries are you setting that respect you, your values, and enable you to endure this?
Steve mentions sex and owning the master bedroom. Not everyone comes to the same conclusions--what's consistent with your values, helping you detach, and helping her miss you? If I recall correctly, May's husband slept in the basement while in affair mode.
If you choose sex, read up on being safe with casual sex partners who are simultaneously sleeping with others. Common precautions include condoms and regular STI screenings. As they say, if you aren't ready to talk about safe sex, you're not ready to have it!
