D went to sea world yesterday and dad bought the opportunity for the both of them to swim with the beluga whales. She loved it. She’s having a really nice time. I am glad she gets these experiences. I’m a little salty I can’t be the one to give them to her, but this is the way it is. I for sure miss her and I look forward to her coming home. I’m glad she wants to include me through pictures and FaceTime. The house is quiet though. I talk to the dog a lot, lol. We go for a walk every day the weather permits and today is gorgeous.

As far as this guy. He ideally wants a family. Accepts that might not be in the cards at his age. When he said he was open to not having kids, he said “so, does that go in reverse for you? You would be open to kids?” I said absolutely not. I told him I loved raising my daughter, I wanted more kids but it didn’t happen, and I got the privilege of loving my exBF’s kid, but I am 100000% percent done.

Sure, he wants to get to know me better. I’m pretty sure until the opportunity comes along where someone who wants and can have a family with him comes along. Will there be a second date? Who knows. He told me he wanted one, where he would take me as well, but hasn’t asked. We exchange a text or 2 day, but he is a poor text communicator .

Am I attracted? I haven’t been attracted to anyone since the one guy I went on 5 dates with. We quite a chemistry. He was 5’7 with a dad bod and not someone you see and say “that guy is hot!” But to me, he was. The phenomenons were there and he’s the best kisser ever.

Anyways. I can’t attracted to anyone. This guy was better in the looks department than the others, but eh. No one can get my engines revving anymore. I don’t know what has happened to me. I swear, a part of me is dead and it would take someone super special to it back.

I went out with a guy I knew like 10 years ago ( friend of a friends husband) and it didn’t work. He still wanted that family and didn’t want someone with kids. Tried again 2 years ago, and I think we both got so jaded that both of us wanted the other to make the real effort. But we had been burned too many times. He texted me the other day with a picture of the restaurant he took me on our first date of the second try. He’s almost 50 and it never worked out for him. We are both perpetually single. He owns a house, takes himself on nice vacations. Stable fruitful job. I dunno. Maybe we should just give in and marry eachother.

Yes I have a lot of first dates and not many second. Sure, it makes me sad.

The manager job has been posted. She wants to start interviews this week. I’m going to apply tonight . I’m scared for so many reasons. But I have to try.

Something needs to change, that’s for sure