Quote: butterfly2000: We think we just heard the mate that we once trashed say, 'You are welcomed here.' (Your home will never look better than on that day.)
Found this on another thread, and I thought it was good food for thought...
H did come over last night. Okay, well, at 4am. "Night" for him, anyway. It's kind of hard to get out of bed and go to work the next morning when your spouse rarely spends the night...feels too good in the morning. He was asking me to take off of work, but now is really not a good time.
H was really apologetic last night. I just made sure to validate. I didn't do that before, after first sep, and I think it was a mistake. Unfortunately, he was apologizing for the part that doesn't really bother me that much anymore. Which was the whole fiasco of how I got kicked out of the apartment, and how incredibly terrible he was to me that whole time. I'm still much more bothered by his roommate (still hate her) and by the (brief) PA he had during our first sep. It probably doesn't help that I told him I was over that second one. And, oddly, at that point I really had let go. Just a case in point of how reconciliation can bring up old feelings unexpectedly.
I guess my biggest concern is that...well...he said/did all of these exact same things when he came back six months ago. But what does make me feel better--is that I'm reacting different. And we both have actually changed this time. We've talked some that the first sep, as horrible as it was, just didn't last long enough. That we didn't really resolve what needed resolved.
I don't want to put too much pressure on him, but as we're getting more comfortable (and after he actually does move out of his apartment) I want to ask him to account for his time more. Okay, maybe "account" is too hard of a word. I'm not wracked with worry all the time when I'm not with him, but I think what will help me along in this process is if he is willing to put some more effort into helping me regain my trust. Not that he's doing a bad job--the apologies and attention and sympathy have done wonders!--but I have learned that information puts my mind more at ease. I think before I was too accusatory, and that made him defensive, which got my mind wondering why he was being so defensive. (D'oh!) But I have a much better grip on myself this time.
"Night" for him, anyway. It's kind of hard to get out of bed and go to work the next morning when your spouse rarely spends the night...feels too good in the morning. He was asking me to take off of work, but now is really not a good time.
I'm still much more bothered by his roommate (still hate her) and by the (brief) PA he had during our first sep. It probably doesn't help that I told him I was over that second one. 
And, oddly, at that point I really had let go. Just a case in point of how reconciliation can bring up old feelings unexpectedly.
