Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out

[Ready2Change]

I do not want to bring it up with her as it can jeopardize a patch up.

Do not share with her WHAT you know.
Do not share with her HOW you know.
You can and should (at the right time) share that you DO KNOW.

"We both know that is a lie. If you are willing to speak the truth, I will listen."

- What should I do if she sends me these long messages calling out specific incidents from the past?
- What should I do if she messages me telling me how I have treated her bad all these years and why it's clear to her that I never loved her.
- When she says that she cannot get over the past.
- When she says that my changes are an act meant to prevent the divorce.

I agree with what LH19 said.

Burn the validation thread into your brain. Validate her feelings (Angry,Sad,Happy,Scared etc). Practice these new skills on everyone.