Sorry you have to see her each day at work - that's not ideal.
There are going to be folks who are sympathetic and supportive of you and others who take your W's side. You just need to block out the awkwardness and keep your head up high.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
One thing I would do, I would have a strict moratorium on discussing your W with coworkers. I know it is tempting, but most people won't be honest with you anyway. They will patronize you to try to make you feel better. "SHE BE CRAZY!"
If someone tries bringing her up just say "I am uncomfortable discussing that with you." And end the conversation. It will save you a lot of headaches and problems later.
GAL, work on you, continue to try to detach your emotions from her words and deeds. That is your focus.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am just saying she could be nicer about all this, I am not over her and sometimes I just miss old days. I think if there was “NO” OM maybe it would be easier in my mind(when I did not know about OM I was as trying to talk sense into her, to my surprise it was firing back at me 10x. NC is great, helps me in a lot of ways - I don’t keep looking at the phone hoping to get a call from her. No expectations to talk to her. We do SEE each other every weekday multiple times saying the least which is BS and not saying a word to each other. Her missing me not going to happen, she sees way to much of me.
Some folks I know got divorced recently no one was dealing with anything remotely close to what I am going through both couples with kids too. Both gave me the same advice she cheated just walk away. I was and I am trying to R given the opportunity (I know it’s not going to happen in my sitch she already chose OM over S it’s a relationship NOW not an A) and I am making myself better every day.
See my previous post.
She isn't going to be nice because it doesn't fit her internal narrative. Please read the detachment thread. Once I got to a place where my W's words and actions had little affect on me (and I showed no outward reaction to them) things got better. Not saying detachment will save your MR, but it will even you out when she goes off the rails. Remember, you cannot control her, but you can control yourself.
NC in your situation is best approach. However, I would seriously consider a change of employment. I know that is extreme, but working with an EX has to be some kind of torture in third world countries. I would find a new job as soon as I could.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
However, I would seriously consider a change of employment. I know that is extreme, but working with an EX has to be some kind of torture in third world countries. I would find a new job as soon as I could.
I was going to float this idea as well. It'd be a big change but would help your emotional state to see STBXW less, get away from the office drama, and would lead to meeting new people.
No idea what you do, but in the current employment market it might even have the added bonus of a significant pay increase or promotion. I'm a manager with several open job postings and I can tell you it's difficult to find candidates right now and prospects are getting good offers (at least in my industry).
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Jq…. When someone asks how you are feeling at work, just tell them you are feeling fan-frickin-tastic and give them a big smile. If they persist in bringing up your personal situation, just tell them you are focusing on moving forward in your life and you’d prefer to talk about other things.
I might think about looking for another job as well but I get that it may not be possible. Firm boundaries and a consistent message to coworkers will help. Can you change your work hours or the time you take lunch to cut down on the chances of seeing her at lunch time? Any options to work from home at all?
Try to get your sleep regulated. It really helps to improve your mood and anxiety symptoms. (((HUGS)))
One of my friends reached out to me on the way to work, him and my eX never got alone from day one. He thinks that my eX is a covert narcissist. He is so sure that he is willing to bet all my court and L cost in my D. He sent me a link and asked to go over it, WOW I was surprised.
Just Google “Signs You're Married to a Narcissist” from WellMind he just sent me a link. Wow it matched up with all other then me walking on egg shells, her cheating(only this time around that I know of) and not a lot of arguments.
Get out of your job - current job market is great and you can't keep working Herr. I dunno how you worked with your spouse in the first place.
I'd go out more like you did with your friend. Regain your confidence and swagger. Stabilize emotionally and realize you will make it through this and that you get to decide who and what you are.
Resist the urge to psychoanalyze. You have better things to do.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Get out of your job - current job market is great and you can't keep working Herr. I dunno how you worked with your spouse in the first place.
Have you spoken with your boss about your sitch? Relocate your office. Change your work hours. Work out of the house. Use the stairs at the other end of the hall.
Somehow I missed that you are working at same location. Is this the first time you have brought that to our attention?
If I was dealing with a crazy spouse, I would file a restraining order. If you don't she might. First one to file typically has an advantage.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Get out of your job - current job market is great and you can't keep working Herr. I dunno how you worked with your spouse in the first place.
Have you spoken with your boss about your sitch? Relocate your office. Change your work hours. Work out of the house. Use the stairs at the other end of the hall.
Somehow I missed that you are working at same location. Is this the first time you have brought that to our attention?
If I was dealing with a crazy spouse, I would file a restraining order. If you don't she might. First one to file typically has an advantage.
Yea this is a first time I brought it up, we work for different companies but in the same building across a hall,…. to my disappointment her office moved into the same building a year ago, at that time it was not such a bad turn of events. LOL 😂
