Friday was interesting. He could hardly wait to see me. Called me while he was driving over. H told me that he couldn't wait to be together all of the time again. The way he said it, it almost sounded like this was going to happen soon--say, after the move next month. Even though I know he intends to officially live at his mom's. I still think part of that may be because he knows she needs the money...

He also asked me to add his car to my insurance. (Yes, he's been driving without it for months.) I said I would, but I had to have money from him, or I couldn't afford it. I know H means well, but he doesn't always have money to give. He said he would have less expenses living with her, so he would try to give me an "allowance" every month to contribue to his part of the bills still in my name.

Then he mentioned he had a problem. And I could tell it really ticked him off. He said he was having trouble getting out of his lease, that they wanted two months rent and 30 days notice. H doesn't have that kind of money, let alone in one lump sum. My first instinct was to say "I can put in on a credit card"--but I stopped myself. Total 180. That's part of the reason I'm in the debt I am, bailing him out of different situations. That's not to say I regret, say, paying off of his car. But this really is one mess he needs to take care of on his own.

He said he couldn't believe he'd put himself in this situation. He didn't understand how he got into these messes. I just listened, validated that his intentions had been good. H told me that he just wanted us to be together. I said that we were. He said he meant all the time--I guess he'd meant physically, as opposed to an R.

He also said part of our problem was we had just assumed after I graduated (year and a half ago) I would have a stable, good-paying job, and we hadn't been prepared at all for what happened. The plan had always been, at that point I would support us, and he would go to school. Obviously that didn't happen. He said he was a little bitter, although not at me. I said it made sense, I had only based that assumption on the fact that, oh, everyone I knew who graduated had a job 6 months in advance, and I hadn't planned on the economy completely crashing. Ooops.

H said he was hungry, he needed to eat before we went to the gym. I offered to buy. We couldn't agree on one place, so I suggested we just go to two different places and get carryout for home. This seemed like a good idea.

We went to get my food first, then I realized there wasn't a bank nearby so I could get cash for his fast food. He insisted that he just order where I wanted to, even though I told him it was okay. I think he didn't want to inconvenience me too much. But it worked out okay.

We were both still feeling run-down by the time we got to the gym, so only did the second half of the workout that had been cut short earlier in the week. He had to leave anyway to be at work early. So he just dropped me off at home.

He called me not too long after he drove off. (Does he miss being around me or what?? Okay, I'm the same way...) We just chit-chatted until he had to go.

H called me after he got off of work yesterday morning, said he missed me really badly. Asked me to have breakfast with him. I said I would, if I could wake up enough. He finally said we would just go through McD's drive through, so I just wandered outside in my pajamas with a sweatshirt and sandals. Not kidding.

I was pretty sleepy, kind of leaned over on him. He told me how much he had missed me, how much he missed having breakfast with me he got out of work. I joked that I looked like crap (curly hair first thing in the morning...not good), and he said he didn't care.

After we left, he said he felt more like IHOP. I said I didn't want to go in since I didn't have a bra on or my contacts. He asked me again, said he just wanted a sit down breakfast. I said if I could go put some clothes on, that would be fine, but I hate going into a place if I can't see. (I am incredibly near-sighted.) I think he felt kind of bad for me, since I was pretty much asleep, and said McD's would be fine.

During the drive, H was talking about people who come into the club. He said he didn't think very many people have love like we do, since they seem to give up on it so easy. He told me how people tell him all the time, "Yeah I love him/her, but..." and then say how they left, and don't want to work through their problems. I didn't point out H has left twice now. But he came back both times. Somehow, even though he left me, it never felt like he was ever able to completely emotionally disconnect. So, even though we "broke-up," his heart still didn't feel that way. Which is why I understand what he was really trying to say.

We got pancakes, and ate them back at my place. He said he would need a short nap before he could drive home. So we curled up in bed. That was very nice. I went back to sleep pretty quickly. H slept maybe a couple of hours, then said he needed to get home. (He absolutely can't sleep on my bed...just too soft.) I barely noticed that he left.

I woke up a few minutes later. I hate waking up and him being gone. So I called him. He laughed, called me a sap, and I told him he had no room to talk. We didn't talk too long.

I stayed up. Felt pretty lonely. Wound up playing more video games. I wasn't terribly motivated to do much, since I still wasn't feeling well. I decided I needed to get active, to feel better, so I drug myself to the gym. That helped some. After I got home, I called a friend to see if she wanted to eat, but she wasn't in. I called H, but he said he was already cooking. We didn't talk long. So I gave up and ate at home.

A few hours later, H called me. Said he missed me. That he couldn't wait to be with me, and he just wanted to talk with me a bit before he took a nap to go to work. We wound up getting into a psuedo-argument. About how H thinks he moved everything all by himself into our last apartment, and I just gave up and quit trying. I told him I was tired because I worked all day, and then was moving at night, and I did this for several days. He said he always pushes himself to the breaking point, and he expects everyone else to do this to, and he felt like I just gave up. I told him I was different, I couldn't keep up with him. He said he never expected me to. I said I just didn't complain, until I got so wore out, all I did was just fall over.

Clearly, we go in circles. I haven't figured out a good, different, response yet. But he lost signal, so that ended that convo, and when he called back, I didn't bring it up.

Played more video games. (Like I said, I've been sick. ) BIL1 called, and asked if I could watch two of his kids on Sunday. I said sure, I didn't mind. H called a few minutes later. I guess BIL1 had called him first, and then H told him to call me. I told H I didn't mind watching the girls, and H said he hoped not. He also told me that his family really loves me. That made me feel good.

After I hung up with H, BIL2 called. (Gee, I was popular last night. ) He wanted to know if I wanted to go out with him and some of his friends. I really did, but I wasn't feeling well, so drinking didn't sound like too much fun, especially since I had agreed to watch the girls early Sunday morning. So I wound up thanking him but urning him down, and went to bed shortly after that. (10pm on a Saturday...man I must be feeling sick. )

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]