Pregnant, Abandoned Twice, Affairs OW continued

[AnnKay]

Hi. It has been mentioned that maybe I should chime in because my ex left me when our daughter was 6 months old for someone he started dating during my high risk, IVF pregnancy.

Hi, Ginger, thank you for taking the time to comment. Yes, your name was mentioned and I did read some of your posts, although could not find your original ones. I am sorry for what you had to go through. It is bad enough to go through the mental and physical pressure of IVF, but to also face a high risk pregnancy as well as the situation with your exH, it must had been really tough. I don't know how you did it, but it is encouraging to hear that you sound like you are doing better and at peace.

However, I hesitated because you are likely not in the place to hear what I have to say and it would frowned upon here.
I will tell you we did not reconcile. He did marry his affair partner, they just celebrated their 11th wedding anniversary and are all away on spring break vacation now. And I will tell you, we all get along just fine now.

At this point I think it might be better off for me to not think about reconciling. I am not sure whether I'm in denial, but it just seems that H is getting worse and I simply don't feel much for him anymore.

My daughter is 14, a happy well adjusted girl. I have primary custody, he has every other weekend and one night a week. My daughter and I are super close .i never remarried.

Thanks for this, I am hopeful that my son will turn out as well, more considerate and kinder that he saw what his mum has been through. I am sure when my H left the first time he was more sad and angry, but after this second time he seems more accepting of the fact that his parents no longer live together.

That being said, in the beginning I think I would have forgiven anything just to have my family back together . I’m hindsight, nope, no I wouldn’t have. To cheat on your pregnant wife is the worst kind of betrayal. To me, it doesn’t get worse than that. It’s darned bear evil to me. Then to leave her with babies? Godawful .

I would save the “this must be difficult on HIM” compassion. He had choices. This is a pretty bad one. It should be difficult on him.

Thank you, Ginger. Yes, I went through few weeks of trying to do anything to have the 'old us' back, and admittedly, that part of detachment is still something I need to work on in my situation. After the second time he left, however, I think I can understand the finality of the situation and act like it. Sometimes I feel nothing and sometimes I see him and I feel bad for him, but if I were a third party looking at this situation, I would tell myself it is his choice and it is not for me to care.

I am a LBS who does not think the WAW is always wrong or evil. Sometimes, it is warranted and understandable. But I realize I can’t find one reason why it was acceptable for my exH to walk out the door with a 6 month old baby at home .
I am so sorry you find yourself here in this situation. I hate it for anyone. It’s heart breaking . I’m just here to let you know that you will survive, thrive, and your kids will be OK.

Thank you for sharing your situation. I realize that too. Even if H wants to blame it on depression and whatever mental health issue, it is for him to acknowledge and fix. H is just a coward (child) for not facing his issues and opting the easy way out.