So if I’m understanding you are asking if you should break NC because it wasn’t working to make your situation better? NC is for your detachment it is not to make things better between you and W.
Not in that sense, just 2 people got so much negative towards each other, not sure where it’s coming from. Poop 💩 ton negative towards me but indirectly coming my way, through other people. I already feel like I was the one who cheated and divorcing her.
Jq, why do you feel that way? Because you went NC?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You can say “No” to marriage talk, relationship talk, and ex talk.
Why would you break NC? It doesn’t sound like you’re so over her yet that hearing about what she says and does doesn’t affect you. I’m one year NC with an ex of 4.5yrs and not ready yet. I suspect you will need at least one year. How would more contact serve you?
I am just saying she could be nicer about all this, I am not over her and sometimes I just miss old days. I think if there was “NO” OM maybe it would be easier in my mind(when I did not know about OM I was as trying to talk sense into her, to my surprise it was firing back at me 10x. NC is great, helps me in a lot of ways - I don’t keep looking at the phone hoping to get a call from her. No expectations to talk to her. We do SEE each other every weekday multiple times saying the least which is BS and not saying a word to each other. Her missing me not going to happen, she sees way to much of me.
Some folks I know got divorced recently no one was dealing with anything remotely close to what I am going through both couples with kids too. Both gave me the same advice she cheated just walk away. I was and I am trying to R given the opportunity (I know it’s not going to happen in my sitch she already chose OM over S it’s a relationship NOW not an A) and I am making myself better every day.
I am just saying she could be nicer about all this
She is with OM and divorcing you. Time wrap your head around the fact she's not the nice loving woman you married and act accordingly.
Originally Posted by Jq25
I am not over her and sometimes I just miss old days.
That's certainly understandable.
Originally Posted by Jq25
I think if there was “NO” OM maybe it would be easier in my mind(when I did not know about OM I was as trying to talk sense into her, to my surprise it was firing back at me 10x.
I completely understand the mental anguish about OM, but as many other people told me, do not focus on her, him, or "them".
Originally Posted by Jq25
NC is great, helps me in a lot of ways - I don’t keep looking at the phone hoping to get a call from her. No expectations to talk to her.
Good! Keep it up.
Originally Posted by Jq25
We do SEE each other every weekday multiple times saying the least which is BS and not saying a word to each other. Her missing me not going to happen, she sees way to much of me.
Why do you see her every day? Your son is old enough to not need frequent exchanges. You're in the house and she's in an apartment...what's your plan with your L about custody?
Originally Posted by Jq25
Both gave me the same advice she cheated just walk away.
Many people would give that advice, but it's your life not theirs.
Originally Posted by Jq25
I was and I am trying to R given the opportunity
Unfortunately it's not up to you. Doesn't mean you won't have a chance to R at some point though.
Originally Posted by Jq25
(I know it’s not going to happen in my sitch
You can't possibly know what will happen in the future. This A could blow up in a month for all you know. In the meantime focus on improving yourself and be a rock for your son.
Originally Posted by Jq25
she already chose OM over S it’s a relationship NOW not an A) and I am making myself better every day.
You two are married and she's with another man. It absolutely is an affair. She can't just decide she's not married anymore and proclaim "it's a stand up relationship now, not an affair".
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I made a big mistake this week ...Friend of mine invited me out, so we met up at the bar where I used to go to with my eX.....I was dressed to impress (was not trying), lots of girls gave me compliments, Lost weight, being funny and outgoing. I was a shocker for most people, no one was expecting to see me looking good, Not down mentally and going out. To the question about M I replied that everyone has their own path, and I am fine with mine. Still was very uncomfortable about everything...
I do not believe this was a mistake. Sounds like you did a great job.
Mistakes in my mind are things like:
I got drunk and went over to her house and confronted her and OM. I initiated R talk with her. I told our friends she has OM.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
What?! Your “NC” is seeing her multiple times per day but not saying a word?!
Why so much contact? My son is 12. My last contact with my XW was 4 days ago and my next will probably be in 3 days. More space = more detachment.
Why are you not being polite as you would with a store clerk when you see her? This could be as simple as, “Hi!” or “Bye!” Politeness = better coparenting when needed.
Our Offices are located across the Hallway (two different companies) in a small office building true that FML. Yes on the same floor too. Yes she is sitting by the window facing the hallway…. Feels bit toxic, every time I leave for lunch or go outside guess who I see? Everyone in the building knows we are getting divorced and you guessed it right because I am #1 husband in the world. I had couple people approach me and tell me that I am a monster maybe in a little nicer way.
There are at least 110 people in the Building across 21 companies and so far 2 people told me that my eX got something loose in her head. What she shared with them, they did not care to know. LOL 😂 To make my life totally complete, NOW, we have one office space vacant AP/OM needs to move in there.
Not sure where you're located, but are you posting this in the middle of the night? Are you getting sleep?
It seems odd to me people would approach you and directly call you a monster. My experience is people would avoid directly addressing the issue, and more often either give you a sympathetic look or the cold shoulder (depending on their point of view). What is your wife telling these people?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Not sure where you're located, but are you posting this in the middle of the night? Are you getting sleep?
It seems odd to me people would approach you and directly call you a monster. My experience is people would avoid directly addressing the issue, and more often either give you a sympathetic look or the cold shoulder (depending on their point of view). What is your wife telling these people?
Hi BL You right it was a middle of the night, I went to the gym kind of late and was still wired. Word to self no need to go to the gym at almost 10pm. But I did do 90 min of intensive workout.
Some people ask how I am doing usually the once I talk to in the past others just shaking their heads. She would tell people ether that she struggled With abusive person, some times would be changed to always. Just negative things, everything multiplied by 100x.
