I called H this morning after I left for work. Just to say ILY. I was still really missing him, so on lunch I left another saying "I guess I'm just really missing you, called to say ILY again."

H called me around 1:30. We chatted for awhile. Told him I was sorry I had been so cranky, he said that yes I had been. (Somebody should tell him that's bad DB. ) Said he had some interesting news, and asked if I wanted to hear. (This is like him warning me I'm about to walk into a mine field.) I said of course I did. He said roommate had found a place to go. She was going to move in with her sister for a month or so, and then move to another city a couple of hours away to live with a different city. He said I know you're happy about that. I said, "Am I supposed to answer that? Either way I lose!" (Since he hates it when I'm not honest how I feel.) He said he knew me, that I was happy. So I said that yes, I was. (What else could I say?) He said he knew that, and he sounded a little bitter.

He asked if I still wanted to go the gym. I said of course. He said he needed to eat. I said I didn't have money. Then I thought about it, said I would buy us something cheap, since he's going to give me cash after he works tonight. I told him to think about a place to eat, that was cheap, and we'd go there.

I told him I needed to go, I needed to think about something at work. He asked if I was mad, and I said no. He said as long as I wasn't hanging up with him because I was mad. I said of course not, I just needed to concentrate more. We said ILY, and then hung up.

I realized there's no way for me to be okay about a lot of people he already knows because I've built up too much resentment about some of them. Which makes me feel lousy. He seems to feel like he has to cut them out of his life to appease me. Which is the ultimate in controlling behavior, even though I have not asked him to do this. So...I think I'm going to have a new approach! I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall over some of these people. I'm just going to admit to myself I don't like them, there's no good reason for this, and I really do want H to not hang around them, and then be done with thinking about that group of people. And, anybody knew he meets, I'm going to make sure and keep an open mind, be friendly, and try to move forward. H cycles through friends (at least, what most of us would consider acquaintances) pretty regularly. It's not a perfect solution...but maybe it'll be easier for me to "start fresh" with new people, to keep an open mind, instead of trying to change my thoroughly ingrained and preexisting impressions.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]