I did not know that pMs don’t work, I thought it’s not working for me. Lol
I made a big mistake this week and kind of did not want to bring others with me down. I should of known better.
Friend of mine invited me out, so we met up at the bar where I used to go to with my eX. To my surprise there were at least couple of dozens of people that I knew (ran into before or had a small talk) after BD I stopped socializing with them. Friend end up not coming in because he had to run home.
Everyone (a lot of people)greeted me and told me how sorry they are to what happened. My eX was hanging out with my friends and proudly was telling people that we are getting divorce + more details to some. Why would you bring a dirty laundry???? She has AP turned into OM they are already in the serious relationship “marriage talks”. Most of the people don’t know about her A and OM. OM couple friends were there too, gave me strange looks.
On the other hand, I was not expecting to see many people. I was dressed to impress (was not trying), lots of girls gave me compliments, Lost weight, being funny and outgoing. I was a shocker for most people, no one was expecting to see me looking good, Not down mentally and going out. To the question about M I replied that everyone has their own path, and I am fine with mine. Still was very uncomfortable about everything.
I think this experience happened way to soon, I don’t think I was ready to face it. But it would of happened anyways.
Not seeing a mistake here, unless I'm missing something. You went out, looked good, smiled/acted happy, got compliments, socialized...etc. Sounds like all good stuff. Keep it up!
There's going to be uncomfortable situations at times and moments you feel down afterwards, but just "fake it till you make it".
I'd keep going out and socializing...just tell your buddy not to bail on you again.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Not seeing a mistake here, unless I'm missing something. You went out, looked good, smiled/acted happy, got compliments, socialized...etc. Sounds like all good stuff. Keep it up!
There's going to be uncomfortable situations at times and moments you feel down afterwards, but just "fake it till you make it".
I'd keep going out and socializing...just tell your buddy not to bail on you again.
Mistake I had this taken place so early ON, it’s been 3.5 month since BD. I know I was not ready to meet so many people. I was not ready to talk to so many people about D and M issues. First I MUST accept it within then You don r give a F un attitude comes through…. I am not there yet
I think fake it till you make it - very Dangerous.
And, while this should be in no way your motivation, I'd bet the house it gets back to your Ex how good you looked and how great you're doing...
eX is so hyper focused on her relationship and social life she would care less. When she lived at home I saw those animal like eyes hungry for her AP before their date. Ouch
How do you guys go from NC to talking? It’s been about 3 month now of NC, D paperwork is going back and forth. Her attitude is on a downward spiral towards me. Even kid talks non existent.
So if I’m understanding you are asking if you should break NC because it wasn’t working to make your situation better? NC is for your detachment it is not to make things better between you and W.
Why do you want to talk? And be honest with yourself here.
If there's a serious matter about your kid that's one thing - though most discussion/decisions can be made via email - but if it's related to D negotiations go through her L and if it's (I suspect) to engage with her in order to win her back you should resist. You almost certainly get the result you hope for and it'll set you back. NC isn't something you can just turn on and off every other week or month. To LH's point it's to help you detach. Plus, you have to let her play things out and start realizing she's going to lose you - every time you reach out and tell her you miss her and want her back it gives her power and comfort and ease about moving in the direction she's already going.
Last edited by BL42; 04/10/2205:44 PM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
So if I’m understanding you are asking if you should break NC because it wasn’t working to make your situation better? NC is for your detachment it is not to make things better between you and W.
Not in that sense, just 2 people got so much negative towards each other, not sure where it’s coming from. Poop 💩 ton negative towards me but indirectly coming my way, through other people. I already feel like I was the one who cheated and divorcing her.
