At one point, during our first sep (Oct '03). That's where my horribly bad jealous streak comes from, not that it excuses it. Leading up to the first sep, H had this "best friend" who I later found out was totally manipulating him. Encouraged him to do things without me ("Your W wouldn't have fun, would she?") and then encouraged him to move out. After we were seperated, he had a brief PA with her. Then got weirded out because she started acting like they were dating, realized that's not what he wanted, and came looking for me.
The b!tch even threatened to tell me they had slept together after she found out we were back together. Too bad for her he had already come clean to me. I asked (okay, demanded) that there be no more contact with her at that point, and he agreed. I took vicious pleasure in eliminating all obvious traces of her--removing her number from his cell-phone, her e-mail address from his address book, etc. (With his permission, of course.) That w**** even came into his bar every week on the same day, after he had explicitly told her to stay away. It's funny how she manipulated him, but she wound up hurting herself in the end... I am not a callous person, but I have no sympathy for her. She listened to my H's hurts and complaints, and literally created a persona to lure him away. She was deliberate and calculating, and didn't care who she hurt (including him) to get what she wanted. Some of the stuff she said to him later just makes me sick. She went on and on about how she was hurt and her kids were hurt (she's D). And she actually told my H that I was too good for him. That I shouldn't have taken him back.
I wanted to beat the crap out of her so bad. But I'm a better person than that, and in the end it was pretty obvious. I'm sure a good majority of the people in the bar suspected, and I'm sure she ran her mouth. A friend of hers even told her she had no right to interfere in our M. That was satisfying. I went in where he worked frequently after that, and a lot of people thought I was just the nicest person. I'm sure she had to hear more about me than she ever wanted. And every time she just "happened" to come in while he was working and I was there, H made a point to be very affectionate and touchy-feely with me.
At this point he absolutely loathes her.
He once told me it was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life--and on top of that, he can't believe he did it to me. I know a part of him hates himself for it. Sometimes I think the guilt is eating him up inside. I can see how sorry he is, how much it hurts him, sometimes.
One of the most healing things I ever told him was that it doesn't matter because we broke up (sep #2). So that this is a new R, and all that stuff in the past isn't relevent. I know he still worries I hold it against him. I think that's why he keeps telling me my jealousy isn't an issue (it is). I honestly think he feels responsible for my being jelous--he said at one point, that "I made you that way." Ouch.
Well, that was a long-winded responded to a one-line question!
Leading up to the first sep, H had this "best friend" who I later found out was totally manipulating him. Encouraged him to do things without me ("Your W wouldn't have fun, would she?") and then encouraged him to move out. After we were seperated, he had a brief PA with her. Then got weirded out because she started acting like they were dating, realized that's not what he wanted, and came looking for me.
