Dink… If I were you, I would stop trying to diagnose my wife with a mental illness and start focusing on the things you need to do to move forward in your life. Maybe she’s manic or maybe she appears that way because the thing she has been wanting to do for a long time that has been weighing her down is no longer weighing her down. If there is one thing I have learned through all of this, it is that people hide stuff and you never really know what another person is feeling or thinking unless they tell you. For you this is out of the blue. It’s not for her…she’s been thinking about this for a long time. So the loss of the weight of hiding things and the addition of a new person in her life (brain chemicals that are emitted when one is at the beginning of a relationship have a similar effect as cocaine) could make her appear manic when in reality, she’s just feeling really happy right now. Sorry…not what you want to hear but it is what it is.
FYI…there were moments people might have accused me of being manic when I finally emerged out of the other side of this, having followed people’s advice on here, and realized that I didn’t need XH to have a good life and I was free from the overwhelming sadness and anxiety that happens when you go through something like this. The day I woke up and he wasn’t the first thing I thought about was a GREAT day and it only got easier after that. People noticed. Lots of comments about how happy I was and how good I looked, etc…
I finally understood what people had been talking about on here and how much better off I am not being married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to me. I don’t take that personally anymore. There are many factors that come into play when it comes to feeling happy in a relationship and a lot of those are out of your control. When those outside factors come into play (financial strain, child rearing stresses, family dynamics, illness, etc…), some people will get through it by doubling down on their marriage whereas others will turn away from their spouse and start to look for sources of happiness outside of their marriage. If both of you are in the first category, you find a way to get through those times and your marriage gets even stronger. If you are married to someone who falls into the second category, you may find yourself on a board like this one feeling the way you are feeling. It is what it is. Bottom line is that you can’t control what other people do and it is futile to try.
RE: the SIL. I’m with everyone else on here. Blood is thicker than water. I’m sure she doesn’t get what is going on with her sister right now and she is bothered by it and is on Team Dink (why did you pick that name…lol??) but the longer this goes on, the more likely it is she will eventually switch teams. If she and her sister like each other and there isn’t an issue between them, it is inevitable. So be careful about what you say because it will ALL be repeated to your W at some point in time.
RE: your kids. Yes…don’t lie to them about wanting the divorce but don’t give them all the details either. They are adults. They can ask their mom if they really want to know. Trying to get them on Team Dad would be to make you feel better, not them. It will also result in them going to their mom with the info dad gave them and making her feel worse about you. So be as factual and succinct as you can be when/if they ask and leave it at that. If they ask you to mind read (i.e. what is mom thinking or doing?), decline the invitation and just tell them those questions should be posed to their mom, not you. When all the dust has settled and your kids are looking back on this, you want them to remember a dad who took the high road and conducted himself in an admirable way. You will want to remember that too.
