Dink, I was thinking of your situation this morning. I know you have a difficult time not communicating with her, especially if she is the one to reach out.
I think the best way to approach this is day-by-day. I had a longtime, on-again off-again relationship with a woman before I was married. This went on for literally decades. It hamstrung me for other Rs until I met my W. I knew I needed to go dark but it was difficult for me because I craved hearing from her. It was very beta behavior. Finally one day I decided that I would not answer her phone calls, that I would let it go to my answering machine (yes, I said that right! LOL). I had already gone into the mode of never being the one to initiate contact. But I would take it each day. Each day I would remind myself that I wasn't contacting her. I tried to stay busy (I had two jobs at the time, and with my friends it was pretty easy). By NOT initiating contact, by staying busy, and by letting the answering machine deal with her phone calls if I happened to be home, I was able to each day remind myself that this was my approach. And I was able to stay dark until our paths would cross physically (we each had social networks that intersected).
Take it day by day. Look at my previous post about the rules of engagement. If you don't want to answer my questions that BL repeated, at least dwell on them to help yourself. I know you are spinning and struggling, and when you are it is difficult to think objectively and logically. Remember, we are here to help if you would only confer with us before taking action. We can at least giveyou things to think about.
Better days are ahead, Dink. I know it doesn't feel like it right now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
