NEXT!

[DonH]

Wow, where to start. Guess here. Finally I can again agree with much of what KML is saying. That used to be a common occurrence pre crazy world but not so much since. This time though she brings up some good points. I guess I’m not sure that your family history is as pertinent to this as HIS history is but good points.

On the plus side, “heroin addict” is not even close to meaning today what it did in the 70s. Far, far too many people who could never fathom using heroin found themselves doing just that. The huge majority stated with prescription pills - many prescribed for legit reasons. Everyone was sold a bill of goods by “the experts” (see a theme there) claiming opioids were safe and would not cause addiction. Which has kicked off death and destruction above and beyond Covid - just over a longer time frame. So then pills and legit prescriptions dried up but addiction did not. Millions have then found themselves using heroin.

You are very correct on the relapse rate. First year is as high as 90% unless put on medication. Even then it’s 50%. 12 step rarely works for opioids. So his chance of relapse at 6 months is big. He probably should not even be dating for another 6 months. He likely was self medicating his anxiety which he now self medicates with weed. He’s high risk at least now.

He may be a great guy and with opioid addiction through the roof recovering addicts are everywhere. “Taking a chance” on someone 5 or even 3 years in remission without relapse is not out of the question but 6 months to me is not even a close call. Don’t do it.

The other bigger picture here is what’s going on behind the scenes. I said last week how sadly many set ups by well meaning friends don’t take into account a potential match or common interests, or shared values. Top of the list is they are both single. You’ve got to keep that in mind. But beyond that in this case, this is mommy trying to help her boy be happy. She never gave it a thought the potential cost to you. This was no different than, “I’ve got the perfect guy for the job opening you have.” It’s rarely based (by a family or friend) on qualifications, work ethics, drive, etc. it’s based mostly on the friend or family member needs a job! He needs a GF and she sees you as someone that could really help him get his life back in line and make him happy. She didn’t care if she put you at risk. Either that or she’s in denial and codependent.

Sadly Ginger this is no friend. Friends don’t do this. Again I get it, it’s her child. Just have to be weary of these setups. Not to say don’t do them. Just need to treat them like any other stranger or yes exactly like a tinder match. In some ways it’s worse. At least on Tinder you are very careful. But when it’s a known person, the benefit of the doubt pops in.

At least he told you. That tells me he’s more serious about recovery. That’s a plus. I’d for sure ask mommy why she would do this to you. Why put you at risk like this? Of course that’s me. Just at least don’t trust this lady again. She’s not looking out for your best interest - she’s only looking out for hers and her sons. This is like selling you a used car that she knows has problems - but she needs the money and you need a car. Sometimes people suk.

Don’t give up on setups. You just need to be aware of them as much as you’re aware of OLD and the real truths with it.